Showing posts with label Environmentalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Environmentalism. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

SLAVERY NOW : LET'S END THIS RECESSION ONCE AND FOR ALL


FREE MARKET SOLUTIONS FOR A MODERN ECONOMY

By : Mr. Davy B. Hutchinson V, Esq., CEO and Chief Executive Officer, Greater Hutchinson Properties LLC (Dallas, Texas); University of Virginia (J.D. 1982; M.B.A. 1984); Owner, approximately 35,000 acres in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Arkansas; Author, It's Hard to Break Even When You've Got a Damn Payroll (Aspen Business Press 2009); Republican; Married; Father of three; No criminal record.

For over two years now, our country has labored through difficult economic times. Although very few people have the courage to say it, we are in a Depression. No matter what the pundits on CNBC say, this is no Recession. It's not even the so-called "Great Recession." We won't get anywhere in these tough times until we are honest with ourselves. Don't be fooled: We are in a Depression. The sooner we recognize that, the sooner we can move forward.

We are in a Depression because it feels like it. Depressions are about perceptions. When employers think there's a Depression on, they don't hire. Unemployment goes up. When that happens, people have less income to spend in the economy. When people don't spend money, companies make fewer profits. And when that happens, companies cut more workers and even close down. Panic spreads. People lose their homes and fortunes. They start begging the government for help. Then their government aid runs out and there they are: Back in the Depression.

This is not good for America. Our country depends on private employment to survive. When average people can't get jobs in the private sector, we are in serious trouble. Let's be honest: It costs a lot of money to hire someone. And companies don't want to threaten their margins by taking a chance on a new hire. They could spend their money in much more profitable ways. Workers are expensive. It doesn't make any sense to hire them unless you can be damn sure they will bring in way more than they cost.

So what do we do? The Depression will not end until every American has a good, high-paying private sector job that pays the bills. The Depression will not end until companies feel secure enough to start hiring again. In a nutshell, we need to create good jobs so that people have money again. And to create jobs, the private sector needs money to pay wages to everyone else. Problem is, the private sector does not have enough money these days. We need to find a way to make sure private companies get enough money to start taking chances on workers again.

Since the Depression hit, economists and politicians have mulled almost every conceivable way to create jobs: Stimulus packages, government incentives, tax breaks and even cash bailouts. Nothing has worked; private companies still don't have enough money to hire people. Things aren't getting any better. To the contrary, they are getting worse. Government is not up to the challenge. As soon as you bring in government, it just makes things more difficult and more complicated. Americans don't want complexity. They just want paychecks.

Americans will get their paychecks soon enough. We simply must be inventive. We are Americans. We are smart. And we always find a way to make money in the end.

It is time for innovative solutions to save our economy. Today, I am happy to say that there is a vast, untapped source of prosperity within our very own borders. Our salvation lives among us and we do not even know it. Our salvation is African slavery.

We can break this Depression by reinstituting slavery in the United States. Our economy is in ruins today because nonslave labor costs too much. Hiring people in today's economy imposes an intolerable financial burden on private enterprise. Corporations have shareholders to worry about. Shareholders want quarterly profits. They can't get quarterly profits if they spend more than they make every month on employee payroll. And when corporations aren't profitable, they can't cut anyone's paycheck.

Nonslave labor has failed. We need to free corporations from payroll servitude.

Slavery will solve virtually every economic problem in the United States. There are 35 million Africans in this country. By abrogating their citizenship and designating them personal property, we immediately create an enormous, cost-free workforce. Companies with slave labor will be able to report quarterly gains again. That, in turn, will allow them to spend money on new hiring. Once they do that, more people will get paychecks and more people will start spending money in the economy.

Opponents will doubtlessly claim that slavery is no way to resolve our country's economic woes. They will inevitably say that "common decency," "dignity," "equality," "the Constitution" and even "history" prevent the United States from once again enslaving Africans. They will say that as bad as our economy may be, slavery is forbidden.

We can answer all these concerns. But before addressing our opponents' arguments individually, we must mention that saving the economy is more important than anything else. Americans would rather have jobs and a paycheck than a "Republic dedicated to equality and decency." Americans would much rather have a healthy economy than the vague assurance that "every man has an equal right to succeed" in this country. In fact, it is precisely the unwillingness to entertain slavery that landed us in this mess in the first place. If we really want to beat the Depression, we must be bold. That means embracing slavery, not running from it.

First, the Constitution poses no barrier to reinstituting slavery. True, the Thirteenth Amendment bans slavery and involuntary servitude in the United States. But the Constitution can be amended. If amended once, it can be amended again. Once Congress and the People see the enormous economic benefits to be won from slavery, we are confident that they will swiftly amend the Constitution to reinstitute it. And we are also certain that average Americans will appreciate that slavery will solve their economic woes once and for all. That will lead them to pressure their representatives to repeal the constitutional ban on slavery.

Second, our history does not frown on slavery. We are not "going back to the Dark Ages" by returning Africans to bondage in the United States. To the contrary, our country has a rich and vibrant slavery tradition. Slavery existed when this country was founded and it existed legally all the way until 1865. Since then, Africans have lived as virtual slaves: They die at younger ages; they do not attain educational eminence; they rarely attain economic prosperity; they live in much greater poverty than comparable white Americans; and they constantly claim that they have been "victimized," preventing any meaningful progress. If anything, then, the United States has long been friendly to slavery. Slavery helped shape this Nation in the past. It has always defined us. And now slavery will save us from economic ruin.

Despite all rhetoric to the contrary, history shows that America was a better country with slavery. America suffered no crippling Depressions before 1861. In fact, our national economy boomed in the pre-Civil War years precisely because the South churned out cotton without labor costs. After 1865, labor costs imposed intolerable burdens on private enterprise, resulting in several terrible Depressions. This shows that slavery provides insulation against economic collapse at the same time it generates healthy profits for private business owners.

We will make no progress against persistent economic malaise by turning to the government. Rather, we will only rescue the economy by reinvigorating the spirit of private property ownership that has always driven America forward. We will only regain our prosperity by refreshing America's passion for private enterprise solutions. We do not want handouts and bureaus. We want economic freedom.

Slavery delivers on all these points. By returning Africans to "property" status, we immediately create a huge new commodities market. That will allow for vigorous new exchange, as well as bank financing and stock market revitalization. Advertisers will win new contracts promoting slave sales, while interstate transportation entities will relish new business ferrying slaves from State to State. Housing contractors will also have a role to play by building accommodations for slave populations. In short, slavery will not only affirm America's commitment to private property ownership. It will also stimulate immensely beneficial free market activity.

Slavery also delivers significant indirect benefits. For one, by reducing the number of American citizens by 35 million, government will not need to spend as much on social entitlements. Social security and Medicaid payouts will decrease. With fewer necessary expenses in the budget, Congress will be able to lower taxes. That will allow private enterprise to hire more workers and reinvest their capital in profitable endeavors. Additionally, Federal labor laws will not apply to slaves, so private companies will be able to increase productivity without increasing wage costs. That will lead to a spike in production and more profits for domestic companies.

We need to worry about production in the United States. Without slavery, our economy sank into a dangerous trade deficit. Crippled by labor costs, entitlements, taxes and health care obligations, private companies could not produce enough to compete with countries like China and India. But slavery will correct the imbalance. Now, African slaves will cost employers next to nothing, allowing them to boost production and increase profits--all without commensurate increases in cost. Armed with increased profits, companies can invest in skilled workers, researchers and technology in order to propel American into a new Golden Age. The bottom line is that slavery will allow us to go toe-to-toe with China. Slavery works.

We are confident that the American people will see the merit in slavery. For too long, Americans have been brainwashed to believe that "slavery" is a dirty word. They reflexively recoil from it. But they must merely learn to understand that slavery is the key to our economic renaissance. As soon as disgruntled, underemployed American workers understand that slavery will get them a paycheck, they will quickly drop their hostility to it. When they see that slavery gets them a comfortable job, a nice new home, a beautiful two-car garage and even a few acres for themselves, they will stop fretting about dignity and equality.

Moreover, slavery is environmentally friendly. Enslaving Africans does nothing to poison water or air supplies. Enslaving Africans does not result in deforestation, nor does it threaten endangered wildlife populations. It is a "green" solution in the truest sense: It will not only make Americans money; it will result in clean air, too.

In a word, slavery has always played a role in American life. We have never fully moved away from it. It is time to get back to our roots and embrace it again. Our country was strong when private employers did not worry about crippling payrolls and social security taxes. Our country never suffered Depressions when we prized economic freedom over fanciful commitments to racial equality. And any American will tell you that he'd rather live in a country that does not suffer rampant unemployment than live in a country that forbids slavery. After all, abolishing slavery never paid anyone's rent or landed anyone a job.

Slavery means more jobs for all. Slavery means more private property ownership. Slavery means increased American production and viability on the world economic stage. Slavery means American prosperity. Slavery means home ownership and college education. Slavery means healthy waterways, wetlands and environmental protection. The list goes on and on.

In this light, let us speak out for economic freedom. Let us declare our independence from circular economic failures. Let us free ourselves from the tyranny of expensive labor. Slavery is our solution. It is our salvation. When America returns its Africans to slavery, no country in the world will ever threaten our dominance.

Monday, April 6, 2009

STARBUCKS ESSAYS THAT DID NOT QUITE MAKE IT TO THE COFFEE CUPS

Several years ago, Starbucks Coffee Company began printing short essays entitled “The Way I See It” on their paper coffee cups. These essays generally contain a heartwarming message with mild social commentary. Typically, they address issues such as childcare, environmental protection, racial tolerance and healthy eating. At Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer, we salute Starbucks for providing its customers with enlightened perspectives from varied sources. In our view, literature and opinion help the community by enriching public discourse. We also salute Starbucks for taking chances on the messages it prints. After all, on the bottom of each cup, there is a small-print disclaimer: “This is the author’s opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks.” We understand that Starbucks does not want readers to impute scandalous opinions to its corporate name. Even with the disclaimer, however, we strongly support Starbucks' attempt to broaden public discourse.

Despite our support for Starbucks, we feel duty-bound to reveal that Starbucks does not print content from all the speakers who wish to contribute to “The Way I See It.” In the spirit of free, uninhibited public discourse, we feel compelled to share some essay topics that did not survive Starbucks’ rigorous editorial process. Although we share Starbucks’ view that every speaker has a right to broadcast only messages with which he or she agrees, public discourse suffers when we suppress voices. At Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer, we believe the public benefits from hearing as many perspectives as possible. In that light, we are proud to present essays that did not make it onto Starbucks’ official printed cups. These speakers all have something to say. They may not speak about "the difference between promises or missions,” “the fact that Americans spend 13 years in front of their televisions,” or “the beauty of the sub-Saharan African bush,” but they nonetheless believe in their messages. In America, we prize every voice. For that reason, we are proud to share the following short essays.

REJECTED CANDIDATE #321 : Hunting children is so much fun. In Africa, it is so easy to do; and no one is there to stop you. In fact, no one really cares when you take a shot at a kid from a safari truck. Plus, they are really small targets, so it helps you practice your aim. If you can hit a running African kid from 300 yards, you can definitely take out a running antelope from 400 yards. People misunderstand child-hunters. They say we are the worst kind of criminals. They say we have no respect for life. We are not criminals. We are sportsmen. We respect life. We do not exhaust natural child populations, and we do not impact the environment. This is our pledge: We will never use shotguns on children whose mothers did not want to get rid of them in the first place. We will hold to our pledge, come what may. That is sportsmen’s honor.

Mr. “Big” Bill Blanford, Chairman and CEO, United Nursing Homes, Ltd.

REJECTED CANDIDATE #190 : Nobody likes getting caught masturbating, especially at work. As a hedge fund manager, I can’t tell you how many times I have interrupted bored analysts playing with themselves. You should see the look on their faces; it is just pathetic. On the other hand (no pun intended), I do not want to be a hypocrite. On really boring Thursday mornings, I sneak a wank in, too. For that reason, I am not too harsh on financial masturbators. In this economy, we need all the help we can get in the financial industry, even from people who masturbate at work. After all, to be a good analyst, you must have the capacity to manipulate things well: graphs, stocks, market trends, adverse information. Good manipulation skill starts at home. And who are we to judge? It’s better to have a trained manipulator working for you than someone who does not know how to manipulate his own genitals.

Mr. Robert F. Pullman, Senior Financial Analyst, Friction Partners, L.P.

REJECTED CANDIDATE #547: Have you ever skinned a live sea otter? It is such a rush, man. You just grab hold of that furry little critter and tear into him with a butcher knife. Fuck the tree-huggers; killing defenseless animals is fun, fun, fun. Last month I went on a company cruise with some of my buddies from the office. We tracked down some otters, caught them in a net then tore them to little pieces. You should have heard them squeaking and yelping as we peeled their skin off. Boy, was it a blast. Good thing I had my rubber boots on, because it got pretty bloody. We weren’t after their pelts. We just wanted to have some fun and kill some mammals. If you ever get a chance to skin an otter or some other cute, warm-blooded sea creature, book the flight. You’ll have the time of your life. And we only have one life to live.

Mr. A.J. Bulow, Foundation for Compassionate Medicine of Greater North Carolina

REJECTED CANDIDATE #609: Did you know that most Americans live in the United States? Up to 99% of the entire population of this entire country lives here. Believe it or not, 54% of all graduating high school students thought that most Americans lived in Turkey. This goes to show that Americans have a long way to go when it comes to learning world geography. We need more funding to educate our children, not less. Americans need to learn that most Americans live in the United States, not Turkey. When Americans know that most of us live in the United States, we can confront problems like hunger, poverty and health care with real dedication. After all, how can our country tackle issues if our children think 99% of Americans live in Burkina-Faso, not the United States? Geography is important. I think Americans should learn it.

Ms. Cassandra E. Willard, The American Intellectual Curiosity Institute – A Non-Profit Organization (Seoul, Maine)


REJECTED CANDIDATE #1,755 : Pollution is a wonderful thing. When I get up in the morning, I love to see trash littering my front lawn. I also love watching smokestacks pouring huge plumes of acrid, purple smoke into the atmosphere, killing pesky sea gulls and insects. Personally, I think all this stuff about “green technology” and “electric cars” is for the dogs. I drive a gas-guzzling truck without a muffler, and I’m damn proud of it. I’m not afraid to send my garbage to closed landfills, and I don’t mind patronizing full septic tanks. I never was much of a tree fan, anyway. If trees die, that’s fine by me, as long as I keep my job. That’s the thing the environmentalists will never understand about me: I’d rather work than save a cactus. If my job requires pollution, then give me pollution—lots of it.

Mr. Charles E. Schmutz, Working People for Better Times, LLC

REJECTED CANDIDATE # 248 : There is nothing wrong with making a profit. Intellectuals, professors and even celebrities think it’s “cool” and “hip” to be a left-wing socialist nutjob. Well, I think it’s cool to inherit family money, invest in real estate and just kick back and rake in cash. Just look at Donald Trump. He’s cool and he makes a profit. Profit also makes you get up in the morning. When I think about profit, I’m up before dawn on my way to work. I want more money in my account tomorrow than I have today. In today’s world, profits pay. It’s not about fairness; it’s about having more than the other guy. I’m not ashamed to say it. It may not be fashionable to say you like profits anymore, but you can call me old-fashioned. If it came between a profit and my mom, I’d take a profit. Sorry, mom!

Mr. E. Travis Gladbank, Chief Financial Officer, Ninth Amalgamated Property Management Associates, LLP

We hope you have enjoyed reading these alternative perspectives. We salute Starbucks for broadening public discourse. But here at Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer, we give air to all values, not just the values deemed appropriate by Starbucks’ editorial staff. Because when we let every voice be heard, we guarantee freedom for all. We believe in freedom, no matter how you slice it. We hold true to our motto: We believe in freedom “notwithstanding taste or decency.” We know that you believe in freedom, too.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

Monolithic Industrial Gargantuans’ Coalition to Crush the Green Tree-Hugger Menace

By : Mr. Chadwick R. Coalingford III, Member of the Board of Delegates

This year, we have a choice to make as a Nation. We can either choose prosperity through unlimited business opportunity, or we can choose ruin through environmentalism. For decades, environmentalists have led this Nation down a path to economic disaster. For decades, environmentalists have slowly infiltrated Congress, leading to prohibitive regulations on productive national industries. We can no longer fell timber without performing obscenely expensive forestry analyses at our own expense. We can no longer drill for oil without filing millions of pages of geological paperwork with officious federal bureaus. Worse, we cannot even begin work in marshy areas without certifying that we will not harm a frog that some hippie said was “endangered.” Taken as a whole, these maddening regulations have cost America millions of jobs and increased the price of doing business in our own borders. Yesterday, America led the world economy because industry could operate without restriction. Today, America is falling steadily behind China because the environmentalists have forced us to control emissions. If you care about American jobs and American productive power, then you know it is time to stop the environmentalists once and for all. Environmentalists claim that regulations on industry are necessary to prevent global warming and climate change. This is pure rubbish; there is no such thing as global warming. Just ask a Minnesota resident if it still gets cold in the winter. It does; compelling us to alter our business practices will not change that fact. If anything, environmental regulations will continue to force Americans out of work. This year, it is time to ask ourselves as a Nation: Do we care about caribou more than good-paying jobs? It is time to get our priorities straight. Put Americans first, not two-toed sloths or orangutans. John D. Rockefeller did not have to worry about “endangered species” or “emissions controls,” and nor should we. The answer is simple: We must break the Green Tree-Hugger menace, and we must do it now. Vote for Monolithic Industrial Gargantuans in 2008. When you cast your ballot, declare to all the world that American jobs are more important than grey-billed Pacific geese.

Friends of Finance United to Privatize Congress

By : Mr. E. Waldo Mason, Sr., Majority Shareholder and Board Spokesman

Our Nation confronts the worst financial crisis in generations. Why? Because Congress has no basic market sense. The American people need money, and bankers can provide it to them. But bankers cannot provide money without a political system that responds to their needs. Bankers thrive in a political system that encourages private enterprise and solutions that work. Private enterprise follows its own rules. Private enterprise has brought prosperity and riches to the United States. When government allows private enterprise to flourish, our Nation flourishes, too. But when government places a heavy hand on private enterprise, our Nation suffers. This is inevitable, because our government is a public institution. How can a public institution respond to private needs? It cannot. Public institutions are ponderous and inefficient: Our current financial crisis arose because our public Congress could not grapple with complex private issues. A public institution cannot survive in the private market. That is why we must privatize our government. We must make Congress a private institution that follows the rules of private enterprise. When Congressmen do not produce, they will not keep their jobs. When Congressmen do not pass laws that help bankers, they will be fired. We need Congressmen who will fight for private profit, not for the public. Congress needs a Board of Directors to manage congressional affairs. Congress needs to guarantee healthy profits and growth for private enterprise. If Congress cannot cut the mustard, we will change the management. It is high time to bring businesslike accountability to Congress. By wasting time on “public matters” such as workplace discrimination, infrastructure and federal courts, Congress has neglected to support banks, large corporations and other private entities that provide jobs and money to Americans. In the past, Congress has often acted against private entities by imposing insuperable regulations on healthy enterprise. A private Congress will never act against private enterprise. A private Congress will never allow the economy to falter. Rather, a private Congress will only pass laws that assist private businesses, not powerless individuals. This year, vote for a party that will change the way Washington does business. In fact, vote for a party that will put Washington in business. Business works because there are no free lunches; everyone must earn their keep or go hungry. It is time to make our government play by the same rules. Vote Friends of Finance in 2008. Vote for solutions that work.