THE PARTY FOR PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO EAT ONCE IN A WHILE

POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

By : Mr. Daniel H. Esser, B.S. (Hospitality Management), Senior Spokesman and Party Coordinator; Former Dessert Buffet Manager at Jimmy’s, Atlantic City, New Jersey.

America wants change. Some Americans want to be richer than they were last year. Others want affordable health insurance. Still others want to see an end to American military involvement in Iraq. Some like the way President Obama handles the economy. Others do not. But no matter what Americans want, there are some who have simpler needs. We represent the Americans who just want to sit down and have a meal every now and then, preferably more than once per day.

We are the Party for People Who Just Want to Eat Once in a While. We represent all the Americans who like eating. To that extent, we consider ourselves a populist movement. We are not elitist. We do not want to enrich ourselves at others’ expense. We do not even seek harsh criminal penalties against people we don't like. No, our needs are simple: We just like eating. We love breakfasts, luncheons and dinners, too. We even advocate vigorous snacking. We believe that eating is an American activity because if we didn’t eat enough, we wouldn’t live to be Americans. That is why we believe that eating comes first. Foreign policy and health care can wait; we need to eat before we can handle other things.

We may have simple needs. Yet both government and private enterprise in America today make it difficult for many Americans to eat normally, if at all. Homeless people pick used food from trash containers. Employed people work through lunch breaks, starving themselves in order to avoid bosses’ wrath. And young women deliberately refuse to eat in order to maintain a certain body type. This is not good for America. Without eating, Americans cannot do anything else. As the Party for People Who Just Want to Eat Once in a While, we insist that all Americans eat. We believe in freedom, too. That means we believe that every American should not only eat regularly, but also choose what they want to eat. It is not our business whether someone wants a Filet-O-Fish® with triple tartar and a jumbo size grape soda. We believe in freedom; as long as a person eats, we have done our part.

Our critics say that we demand too little from political life. They say that we must put forward more particular plans about the economy, the stock market, the military and education. They say we cannot attract support without more cogent reasoning about health care and taxation. We disagree. We believe that we can attract sufficient popular support merely by promising meals for all. Everybody likes to eat. We are certain that more Americans think about food every day than Iraq. We are dedicated to eating. We have made eating our number one priority in American political life. We do not demand too little; to the contrary, we demand just enough to fill our stomachs. And with full stomachs, anything is possible. In response to our critics, we suggest that they might achieve more success if they thought about food first rather than mysterious issues like foreign policy. No one can focus without a good meal. That is why we focus on the meal, not the complicated things we plan to do after we eat.

To be sure, we have definite plans about health care, Iraq, the economy, the employment market, taxation, education and the Judiciary. But it makes no sense to address our plans until we solve America’s foremost problem: Getting food. Why discuss economic recovery before every American has lunch? We would much rather see every American heartily fed before submerging ourselves in complicated economic discussions. We would much rather see every American with a sausage-and-mayo hero in hand before talking about health care. And we would much rather ensure that every American enjoys a steak dinner before venturing into foreign policy. In sum, we cannot make intelligent policy choices without first making sure that everyone is eating properly. As the Party for People Who Just Want to Eat Once in a While, we recognize that a good meal goes a long way.

We need to get back to basics in America. For too long, Republicans and Democrats have caustically debated political issues in Washington without ensuring that people are eating. In fact, most Washington politicians have no idea how few Americans enjoy meals every day. Washington politicians can sit comfortably and debate energy bills because they get regular breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Yet they are blind to the millions of Americans who scurry from sandwich shops to their jobs without really eating. They are blind to the millions of Americans who never get a chance to eat a decent breakfast. While Washington politicians relish eggs Benedict, pumpernickel bread slices and fresh oatmeal every morning, they are oblivious to the millions of Americans who forgo breakfast completely.

We believe this must change. Every American has a right to eat, and that includes breakfast. We all should eat eggs Benedict and pumpernickel slices, not just our representatives in Washington. Who can debate that food makes us happy? When we eat, we feel better. It gives us energy to get things done. We feel confident. And when Americans are confident, they can do anything. If food makes Americans confident, why do the Republicans and Democrats ignore it? In our view, food is everything. That is why we advocate making food the center of political life in America. We want every American to eat whatever he wants once in a while. We want Americans to eat pizza if that makes them happy. We want them to eat donuts and cheese fries if that gets them through the day. Because when Americans eat well, their spirits rise. And nothing can stop a well-fed, spirited American.

If you believe in change, you will support our cause. You like food, don’t you? You like chili dogs, popcorn and fried fish, don’t you? I'll bet you like stuffed-crust pizza, don't you? How about double-decker burgers and bacon club sandwiches? You like ravioli, lasagna and Cobb salads, right? When you eat regularly, you feel good, don’t you? Of course you do. Support us, The Party for People Who Just Want to Eat Once in a While. With us, you will eat what you want when you want. We will restore food-based patriotism to America. We will make Americans proud to eat again. No more will we shy away from croissants and butter rolls. Soon, we will eat pastries every day. And with satisfied stomachs, we will step up to accomplish all of our goals. Every American will feel proud to live under a government that puts American stomachs ahead of all other concerns. We can solve any problem. But first we must make sure we’ve all had enough to eat.

It’s time for change. It’s time to eat. The days of rushed lunch breaks and forgotten dinners are over. Vote for the Party for People Who Just Want to Eat Once in a While. With us, you will never go hungry again. You will never skip a meal. You will never feel too stressed to have some cereal or bake a cake. No matter what the Democrats and Republicans say, nothing is more important than food. And when you’ve had enough to eat, there’s nothing you can’t do.