VIVE LA FRANCE!

OESTERHOUDT STRIKES

I am in a rush this morning. But I have enough time to say that I do not like the television show "NYC Prep." It is about six ultra-rich white Upper East Side prep school students who talk incessantly about clothes, advantages and money. They cannot reveal their names or their parents' names for fear that they might be abducted. It is as if they know that their wealth and lifestyles immediately inspire resentment in viewers.

Wealth divides Americans as much as it divides citizens in any other civilization. While we can talk about theoretical inequality all day, it is something else to see the way really privileged people live. It evokes true populist nausea. Most people struggle from paycheck to paycheck their whole lives. They never seem to get anywhere. Their parents had nothing to give and they didn't know anyone who could get them a job that actually could lead someplace. Yet the children on NYC Prep worry about whether they will receive a Mercedes or BMW on their 16th Birthday. How could a wage-earner or debtor not feel outrage when they hear about such blatant excesses?

As I watched these children move through luxurious apartments laughing, texting and planning European excursions, I thought to myself: "This is the kind of stuff that started the French Revolution." And my thoughts led me further: "Wouldn't it be satisfying to guillotine these little assholes along with their absurdly wealthy parents?" That would finally put some fear in them, wouldn't it?

Class inequality starts trouble when enough people realize how bad it really is. Class inequality touches both an emotional and a philosophical nerve. In America, wealthy people do a good job concealing their lives and lifestyles from public scrutiny. But when they come to light, outrage is swift and almost bloodthirsty. Human beings have an innate intuition about fairness. When they see some people with everything, while they struggle for nothing, they cannot help feeling that unfairness is afoot. When these emotions reach a critical mass, revolutions happen. Anger about unfairness topples governments. That's what happened in France in 1789. That was a bad year to be rich.

Revolutions excite me. I love studying them because I love reading about times during which old orders break down and the law fails. In pre-Revolutionary France, for instance, the law supported the wealthy. By law, they maintained their status, property and unequal privileges. But that did not give them right. In fact, the people smashed the law and killed those who violated right. The same thing happened in Russia in 1917. Revolutions obliterate unfair legal systems and the unequal social structures they support. Yet in both France and Russia, there was a spark that ignited smoldering resentments. Both France and Russia experienced international turmoil prior to their revolutions that weakened the law's grip. Thus, a historical pattern emerges: Revolutions happen when two things are present: (1) Massive popular resentment caused by social inequality and wealth disparity; and (2) A destabilizing event at home or abroad that compromises the law's power to restrain dissent.

In America, we have not fulfilled either prerequisite for revolution. While there is enormous social inequality and wealth disparity in America, there is a substantial counterbalance. Namely, there are millions of middle-class people who are sufficiently content with their economic lot that they are not prepared to risk comfort for something better. Additionally, America has never faced the kind of truly devastating "destabilizing event" that weakens faith in government altogether. America has not faced crippling wars in which millions of civilians die. Nor has its currency ever gone worthless, as it did in Germany in the 1920s. Put simply, America is quite stable. And that stability enables the law to control resentment engendered by social inequality. Unfairness, in other words, can survive in peaceful times when enough people really don't give a damn. This is the case in America today.

But resentment lives. You can feel it the minute you tune into NYC Prep and wonder how it is possible that some people have it so easy. And you'll have to forgive yourself for your intuitive desire to dethrone these modern-day nobles. Revolution or not, we can still dream about how gratifying it would be to humble these petulant bon vivants. After all, it's in our nature to recoil from intuitive unfairness.

POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

Terror-Stricken Americans for Total Military Government

By : Mrs. Judith M. Hareshart, M.S.W., Concerned Citizen and Designated Party Representative

Since September 11, 2001, America has lived in fear: Wrenching, horrible, bone-chilling fear. Since that terrible day, we go about our lives in the anxious expectation that terrorists may revisit us. No one is safe. Both city residents and country folk face threats from Al-Qaeda and its fanatical subsidiary groups. In fact, the least likely targets may well be the most attractive for these nefarious killers. The World Trade Center attack terrified the Nation because it was highly visible; the next attack could be doubly terrifying because it will target something as inconspicuous as a shopping strip in Chillicothe, Ohio. We believe there is only one way to protect ourselves from terror: To fully yield our constitutional rights and entrust our safety to the United States Armed Forces. President Bush recognized early that civil rights and liberties profoundly weaken our national security. He began dismantling these obstacles to safety, but we have much more ground to cover. Random airport searches, wiretapping, photo surveillance, racial profiling, mail interception, cavity checks and roadblocks are not enough. Americans are petrified with fear. We need absolute military control to stop the Al-Qaeda menace, and we need it now. Courts must be closed. Civil authorities must be suspended. We must allow the military to use force whenever necessary. We must allow soldiers to search anyone who looks suspicious. We must allow the military to detain suspicious people and use any methods to ensure they are not terrorists, including torture. Americans do not want to go to work worrying about dirty bombs and hijacked airliners. Americans do not want to tell their children that Arabs may be sabotaging the local nuclear plant or hydroelectric station. The only way to beat terror is to give control to the military. Detractors complain that we should not lightly yield our constitutional rights. They say that the terrorists win when we surrender our precious liberties. But we, Terror-Stricken Americans for Total Military Government, would gladly trade our rights for the assurance that we will not be rammed by hijacked airliners. What good are constitutional rights if you walk around all day in mind-numbing horror? What good is privacy when privacy allows Al-Qaeda to poison our water supply? We must give control to people who know how to protect us. We would rather see armed American soldiers in our homes than risk another 9/11. This year, vote to end the fear. Vote to end vacillating debates in Congress. Vote to end dangerous constitutional rights. Vote for safety. Let’s try to move beyond 9/11 by securing our society once and for all. Vote for Total Military Government in 2008.

Frustrated Tourists’ Association to Punish the French

By : Steve E. “Stevee-Eevee” Jackson, Chairman and Chief Operating Officer, Coalition for Americans Abroad

France has America to thank for its continued existence. If it weren’t for the good old US of A, Paris would probably be called New Berlin. The French should be kissing every American’s feet. Yet when Americans spend their well-earned vacation time in France, they receive terrible treatment. Arrogant French waiters refuse to speak to them in English. They scold American tourists for not bothering to learn French before coming to France. French hotel managers and staff make jokes at Americans’ expense, labeling them ignorant farmers. Additionally, there is a completely unjustified rumor circulating in the French press that every American is overweight. These are shocking insults. We, the Frustrated Tourists’ Association to Punish the French, are united in our desire to make the French pay for their condescension. We have tolerated the slights and guffaws long enough. To add insult to injury, the French refuse to support American foreign policy in Iraq. How dare they? Is this how you repay us for 1918 and 1944, you baguette-eating wine-sippers? Not only do you call us ignorant overweight simpletons, but now you don’t even show us gratitude for saving your country? Our Congress boldly took action in 2003 by officially stripping the word “French” from the deep-fried potato item now known as “freedom fries.” Now, it is time to take harsher action against our so-called “historical allies.” In 2008, vote for a party that will avenge French insults. Vote for trade sanctions and higher taxes on French wines. Show that you will not sit back and take the insults. Vote for a party that will allow every American to speak only English while visiting Notre Dame cathedral and the Eiffel Tower. Vote for a party that will punish the French for spoiling your Paris honeymoon with snotty glances and “hmmpfhs.” It is time to let the French know that they will not get away with mocking American tourists ever again.