POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

Terror-Stricken Americans for Total Military Government

By : Mrs. Judith M. Hareshart, M.S.W., Concerned Citizen and Designated Party Representative

Since September 11, 2001, America has lived in fear: Wrenching, horrible, bone-chilling fear. Since that terrible day, we go about our lives in the anxious expectation that terrorists may revisit us. No one is safe. Both city residents and country folk face threats from Al-Qaeda and its fanatical subsidiary groups. In fact, the least likely targets may well be the most attractive for these nefarious killers. The World Trade Center attack terrified the Nation because it was highly visible; the next attack could be doubly terrifying because it will target something as inconspicuous as a shopping strip in Chillicothe, Ohio. We believe there is only one way to protect ourselves from terror: To fully yield our constitutional rights and entrust our safety to the United States Armed Forces. President Bush recognized early that civil rights and liberties profoundly weaken our national security. He began dismantling these obstacles to safety, but we have much more ground to cover. Random airport searches, wiretapping, photo surveillance, racial profiling, mail interception, cavity checks and roadblocks are not enough. Americans are petrified with fear. We need absolute military control to stop the Al-Qaeda menace, and we need it now. Courts must be closed. Civil authorities must be suspended. We must allow the military to use force whenever necessary. We must allow soldiers to search anyone who looks suspicious. We must allow the military to detain suspicious people and use any methods to ensure they are not terrorists, including torture. Americans do not want to go to work worrying about dirty bombs and hijacked airliners. Americans do not want to tell their children that Arabs may be sabotaging the local nuclear plant or hydroelectric station. The only way to beat terror is to give control to the military. Detractors complain that we should not lightly yield our constitutional rights. They say that the terrorists win when we surrender our precious liberties. But we, Terror-Stricken Americans for Total Military Government, would gladly trade our rights for the assurance that we will not be rammed by hijacked airliners. What good are constitutional rights if you walk around all day in mind-numbing horror? What good is privacy when privacy allows Al-Qaeda to poison our water supply? We must give control to people who know how to protect us. We would rather see armed American soldiers in our homes than risk another 9/11. This year, vote to end the fear. Vote to end vacillating debates in Congress. Vote to end dangerous constitutional rights. Vote for safety. Let’s try to move beyond 9/11 by securing our society once and for all. Vote for Total Military Government in 2008.

Frustrated Tourists’ Association to Punish the French

By : Steve E. “Stevee-Eevee” Jackson, Chairman and Chief Operating Officer, Coalition for Americans Abroad

France has America to thank for its continued existence. If it weren’t for the good old US of A, Paris would probably be called New Berlin. The French should be kissing every American’s feet. Yet when Americans spend their well-earned vacation time in France, they receive terrible treatment. Arrogant French waiters refuse to speak to them in English. They scold American tourists for not bothering to learn French before coming to France. French hotel managers and staff make jokes at Americans’ expense, labeling them ignorant farmers. Additionally, there is a completely unjustified rumor circulating in the French press that every American is overweight. These are shocking insults. We, the Frustrated Tourists’ Association to Punish the French, are united in our desire to make the French pay for their condescension. We have tolerated the slights and guffaws long enough. To add insult to injury, the French refuse to support American foreign policy in Iraq. How dare they? Is this how you repay us for 1918 and 1944, you baguette-eating wine-sippers? Not only do you call us ignorant overweight simpletons, but now you don’t even show us gratitude for saving your country? Our Congress boldly took action in 2003 by officially stripping the word “French” from the deep-fried potato item now known as “freedom fries.” Now, it is time to take harsher action against our so-called “historical allies.” In 2008, vote for a party that will avenge French insults. Vote for trade sanctions and higher taxes on French wines. Show that you will not sit back and take the insults. Vote for a party that will allow every American to speak only English while visiting Notre Dame cathedral and the Eiffel Tower. Vote for a party that will punish the French for spoiling your Paris honeymoon with snotty glances and “hmmpfhs.” It is time to let the French know that they will not get away with mocking American tourists ever again.