TERROR FART SHUTS SEVENTH AVENUE : PANIC IN NEW YORK

NEWS FLASH

Reason, Commerce, Justice and Free Beer has just learned that authorities in New York shut down a major city thoroughfare after a Muslim allegedly farted.

Details remain sketchy. It is not known who farted, nor whether the fart constituted "use of weapons of mass destruction" under applicable federal anti-terror laws. It is not even known whether the fart caused any appreciable damage to the surrounding area.

Nonetheless, officials are not taking any chances. Deputy NYPD Police Commissioner B. Leonard Pfurzfinder called the alleged terror fart a "serious attempt" to sow chaos in New York. He warned the public to "keep your eyes and noses open for flatulating Muslims."

Mr. Pfurzfinder gave a press conference shortly after the incident: "I wish to confirm that the Police Department--in cooperation with State and federal law enforcement--have closed Seventh Avenue following the reported emission of terrorist intestinal gas near 35th Street. At approximately 7:45 AM today, a woman named Cathleen Summers passed a man with a long black beard wearing a skull cap and a long white gown. According to Ms. Summers, 'he looked like Osama bin Laden.' As she passed the man at the intersection of Seventh Avenue and 35th Street, Ms. Summers heard a very loud noise. 'It was definitely a fart,' she said. Within a moment following the noise, Ms. Summers also smelled a rancid odor in her vicinity. 'It must have come from the fart,' she told responding officers. She also mentioned that pedestrians gasped in horror when they smelled the fart; they fled in all directions. Pandemonium ensued. One man collapsed from inhaling the fumes. Another man said the 'sound of the fart' broke his iPad® digital reading device. Ms. Summers also reported that the bearded man did not panic after the fart; he surreptitiously moved away down 35th Street."

Mr. Pfurzfinder continued: "We are fortunate that no fatalities resulted from the fart. But we cannot let our guard down. Considering the evidence before us, we must conclude that this fart constitutes a serious terrorist attack on American soil. True, the fart did not cause much damage. But it shows that there are men who look like Osama bin Laden in the United States who can emit toxic odors. Worse, it shows that men with beards and white gowns can infiltrate major American cities, eat gas-producing foods and subject everyday Americans to deadly flatulence. We can be glad that no Americans died in this brazen gas assault on New York City. But we must painfully acknowledge that the War on Terror--especially gaseous fart terror--is far from over."

Mr. Pfurzfinder stressed that Americans must do their part to battle terrorism in all its forms: "We salute Ms. Summers for immediately calling authorities after she heard and smelled the enemy fart. And we also salute Ms. Summers for recognizing that suspicious activity is not always visible. In fact, terrorism does not just affect the eyes; it affects all the senses. Since 2001, the NYPD has admonished New Yorkers to report suspicious activity with the slogan: 'See something; say something.' But that admonishment does not encompass all possible terrorist threats. Terror does not limit itself to visible phenomena. As this case shows, terror can be heard and smelled, too. In that light, we hereby modify our slogan to include all the senses: 'See something, hear something, smell something, taste something or feel something--say something.' Although we recognize that some New Yorkers may report things that do not turn out to be terror threats, we believe that the extra caution is worth it. An old woman, for instance, may feel a spider crawling on her neck while she sleeps. She may believe she is under tactile terrorist attack. She might even call police, wailing: "I felt something, so I'm saying something." Yet fielding a few misguided 911 calls is a small price to pay to avoid another 9/11."

Concerning the general terrorist threat level, Mr. Pfuzfinder elaborated: "We are on edge. Within the last two weeks, Muslim agents have tried to blow up Times Square. In the ensuing days, authorities closed down Times Square several times after citizens reported 'suspicious packages' on various street corners. Those packages turned out to contain ham sandwiches, bottled water and cheap novels; but the threat remains. It remains true that Muslims want to kill us. Today's fart incident represents yet another attempt to target America this month. We are in the crosshairs. The Muslims not only want to destroy significant targets in spectacular attacks; they also want to wreak panic by dispersing toxic farts among everyday people who just want to get to work in the morning. That is truly terrifying--and we are working to stop it."

Mr. Pfurzfinder did not specify how the NYPD plans to address farting Muslims in the future. Still, Republican lawmakers in Washington, D.C. quickly jumped on the news.

"Today's incident in New York just goes to show that President Obama is not doing enough to stop terror," declared Senator John Cornyn (R-TX). "This is the price we pay for the President's misguided decision to 'understand' Muslims. We cannot afford to understand these people. They want choke us on the nastiest farts you can possibly imagine. We cannot have a 'dialogue' with people who are out to drown us in farts. Put simply, we need to stop talking and start attacking Pakistan, which is where this fart guy is probably from. If we don't, the next fart is going to really hurt somebody."

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) echoed Mr. Cornyn's call for increased action against Pakistan. "I have it from reliable sources that al-Qaeda is training operatives to produce massive amounts of flatulence in their own bodies. They call it 'the natural approach.' CIA infiltrators have shown me shocking pictures of masked men sitting in desert training camps eating goat cheese, falafel, kebab and raw onions in terrifying amounts. We are blind to the truth if we assume that this New York fart suspect did not receive al-Qaeda digestive terror training in Pakistan. That is why we must attack Pakistan now. I refuse to see a single American killed by a fart we could have prevented."

In a statement on the issue, Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) shied away from foreign policy assertions. "No matter what we do abroad, I say we need better domestic legislation to punish Muslims who fart. I have already drawn up a draft bill that expands the definition of 'weapons of mass destruction' to include 'the intentional, reckless, negligent or inadvertent expulsion of intestinal gas by a person who is a Muslim, however slight or inaudible.' Ignorance is no defense. I define 'Muslim' as 'any person not a Christian' or 'any person with a suspicious looking beard, unless he is from Texas; but such exception does not apply to African-Americans with beards, or any female, regardless of State residence or race.' If we enforce this law, we will bring digestive terrorists to justice and protect Americans."

President Obama's Attorney General--Eric H. Holder, Jr.--urged a more circumspect approach to the Muslim fart menace. "Our investigation into this matter has just begun. We still need to determine whether the man who farted did so with terroristic intent. This is a legal inquiry: Only farts expelled with a specific intent to terrorize are currently forbidden under existing law. This administration is committed to law. We refuse to indulge speculation. We also refuse to yield to public hysteria surrounding the incident. Until we have reliable evidence, we cannot commit to prosecuting this suspect as a terrorist. For the moment, he is simply a 'person of interest' who farted on Seventh Avenue on May 17, 2010. We understand that our approach may disappoint those who assume all Muslim farts to be terror farts. But respect for the rule of law--and for basic fairness in the administration of justice--dictates that we assemble all the facts before we conclude that digestive terror occurred in New York today."

Rush Limbaugh denounced Holder's statement as "rubbish:" "When a Muslim farts, it's terror. I don't give a shit what the law says."

New York's Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg emphasized that Muslim farting is not good for the city economy. "The thing that upsets me most is that this fart closed down Seventh Avenue. There are a lot of really big stores and businesses on Seventh Avenue, including Ernst & Young and roughly 75 Starbucks Coffee houses. This fart caused people to miss work and lose out on pay. It also caused people to refrain from shopping and going to Starbucks. That is not good for New York. So whether or not we conclude that this Muslim emitted a terror fart, he has already terrorized New York's economy. And I don't like it when corporations can't do business."

At present, investigators are searching high and low for the man who allegedly farted near Ms. Summers this morning. Officials expect to reopen Seventh Avenue sometime this afternoon, depending on the FBI's determination that residual Muslim fart fumes have sufficiently dissipated to permit vehicular and pedestrian traffic.

President Obama issued the following statement after receiving word about the incident: "Our hearts go out to the families and to those affected. We will not tolerate digestive terror and we will not shirk our responsibilities. We are a resilient people. No matter how thick the fart cloud that hangs over us, we will persevere."

OBAMA RESIGNS; TURNS POWER OVER TO MCCAIN

OBAMA OUT ; REPUBLICANS IN

NEWS FLASH

WASHINGTON, D.C.--In a mildly surprising development, President Barack Hussein Obama resigned the Presidency at 8:03 AM today, shortly after learning that the United States Senate passed health care reform.

"This Christmas, I have decided to put America first," Mr. Obama explained. "The fact of the matter is that the Republicans don't like me. They say they have better ideas for the country. They even show up to my Presidential appearances with guns. I get the message. I'm listening. You guys have better ideas than I do. Rush Limbaugh even says I have no idea what I'm doing. He knows what he's talking about. For those reasons, I hereby cede the Presidency to Senator John McCain of Arizona."

Democrats protested President Obama's decision. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton begged the Chief Executive to stay the course. She pointed out that President Obama commanded substantial majorities in the House and Senate. She also said that the country overwhelmingly voted for his message of hope in 2008. She pointed out that Hollywood celebrities and even Oprah Winfrey adored him. "People love you," she said.

President Obama disagreed. He cited several FOX News channel polls showing that most Americans did not approve of the way he was leading the country. He also referenced a Mission Statement from the Tea Party Association of America claiming that he was "worse than Hitler" because he supported health care reform, executive compensation caps and postal service wage increases. "It is apparent to me that most people do not like the way I am doing the job. If I'm worse than Hitler, it would be best for the country if I simply step down and let bygones be bygones."

Concerning Oprah Winfrey, President Obama said: "I am grateful for Ms. Winfrey's steadfast support. But the Republicans have Rush Limbaugh. More people listen to Rush than Oprah, and more Rush listeners have rifles than Oprah listeners. I am prudent enough to know who's more important."

Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told the President: "We outnumber the Republicans 60 to 39. We outnumber them in the House. We have an opportunity to bring real change to America. We just passed health care reform. We can do anything we want in Congress."

President Obama thanked Mr. Reid for his efforts in the Senate. "It's great that you passed health care reform," he said. "But Orrin Hatch said the bill was 'mortally flawed.' All 39 Republicans voted against it. I have to listen to them. They say I am destroying the country and that I am turning the United States into a Soviet Republic. Sarah Palin even said that I am going to kill her grandparents and pets. Given these cogent criticisms, I have no choice but to resign and allow the Republicans to lead America. They obviously have a much better vision--and a stronger grasp on reality--than I do."

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner called the President's decision "premature." In a phone call, Mr. Geithner asked the President to reconsider. "You must give financial reform more time. We have only begun implementing regulations on Wall Street that will make the financial industry more accountable. As you recall, unregulated securities and lending markets created the financial crisis. If we let the Republicans back into power, we could see the whole process repeat itself."

"Tim, I appreciate your concern," Mr. Obama responded. "But Bill O'Reilly called my attempts to reform the financial industry 'ludicrous.' Shepard Smith called me a 'bloodthirsty communist determined to abolish private property.' And Rush Limbaugh said I deserved to be lynched for redistributing hard-earned Wall Street money to Hurricane Katrina victims. How can I ignore these complaints? They are too intelligent for me to ignore. I obviously made the wrong decision to target runaway banks and predatory lending houses. After all, they have a right to the American dream, too. I am man enough to admit I was wrong to pursue justice."

President Obama also explained that there was no practical point in resisting the Republicans. "The bottom line is that you can't disagree with Rush, Bill O'Reilly or Greta van Susteren. And you certainly can't disagree with Lindsey Graham, John Cornyn or Kay Bailey Hutchinson. When Republicans make up their minds, there's nothing you can say to convince them otherwise. It doesn't matter that they only hold a minority in Congress; they know what they are talking about--and they have lots of guns. I have tried to introduce collegiality and bipartisanship into American government. But it is a hopeless crusade. Every time I try to extend my hand, they label me a rabble-rousing negro socialist magician. Religious leaders even call me a godless tyrant. I'm a lawyer by trade. How can I hold a reasoned dialogue with these voices? It's just no use. It is easier just to give up and let John McCain handle our problems."

"I am not afraid to listen to Republicans," President Obama said. "I have listened carefully to them. They said that my Middle East tour was 'useless play-acting.' They called my commitment to troop reductions in Iraq 'Muslim treason.' They said it was 'hypocritical' for me to increase our military presence in Afghanistan. And they called my attendance at the Copenhagen Climate Conference an 'active stance against private property in the United States.' They repeatedly point out that I live in a fantasy land, that I misunderstand the facts and that I am not really an American citizen. They claim I am all talk and no substance, and that all I can really do is give a speech and pardon turkeys."

"Put simply, I must listen to these compelling complaints. Neither the country nor I get anywhere when we ignore the Republicans. Like it or not, the Republicans speak reason and sense. True, America voted against the Republicans in 2006 and 2008. But listen to them now. They say everything that is wrong with America is my fault. People believe them. Now the American people blame me for the financial crisis and the War in Iraq. They are angry that they still can't find a job. The Republicans understand that anger; and they channel it right at me. Well, it worked. I'm done."

President Obama expressed confidence that his successors would solve all the problems he could not. "I have little doubt that John McCain will easily overcome the financial crisis and create jobs for America. As long as John listens closely to Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh, there is no way he can do wrong. Sure, he might draw criticism from Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper…but a lot of good their praise did me. People like Rush and Bill because they are men's men. Wolf and Anderson are, well, a little too froofy for the average American."

"America, we tried," Mr. Obama said. "Last year, I said 'Yes We Can.' But it turns out that the Republicans can, not us. It’s time to let them put their successful ideas into practice. It is the right thing to do for America."

President Obama continued: "I have always believed in democracy. When the people want unregulated markets, inaccessible health care, torture, foreign wars, reduced civil liberty, gross class disparities, merciless credit exploitation, cultural intolerance and irresponsible corporate government, I say let them have it."

Reacting to President Obama's announcement, Sarah Palin was overjoyed: "Is this the best Christmas present a mom from Alaska could wish for? Oh, you betcha! It's a great day in America when a person like Hitler gives up. Now we can get to work and get this tea party on the road."

LIMBAUGH : I'M NOT A RACIST; SOTOMAYOR IS

By : Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, Media Commentator and Spokesman for the Republican Party and the true United States of America; Barack Obama Opponent; College Dropout; Proponent of Traditional American values; Equal Opportunity Employer; Divorcé; Anti-Drug Crusader; Proponent of Harsh Penalties for Drug Offenders; Drug-Free since 2006.

Several weeks ago, I said I hope Barack Hussein Obama fails in everything he does. I meant it then, and I mean it now. I hope he slips on a banana peel in front of the White House. I hope a terrorist flies a plane right into his bedroom window. I hope his black kids get cancer and die. I hope his black wife cheats on him with some hulking NBA star and he lies about it to the press. I hope the Senate impeaches him for lying. I hope Middle Eastern governments declare war on the United States so we have an excuse to get this Magic Negro out of our lives for good. In short, I hope Barack Hussein Obama never tastes success ever again. And I hope he dies a painful death bitter, forgotten and alone.

I am not a racist. I just think that black people are stupid. I don’t personally hire them to do anything meaningful on my show. I don’t invite them over for dinner parties or to watch Monday Night Football. That doesn’t mean I’m a racist. When it comes to employment, I don’t discriminate. I just hire people who can do the job. And that means no blacks. It hurts me when people say I’m a racist. Nothing could be further from the truth. Racism is bad for America. I am trying to save America from racism. That’s why I oppose Barack Obama and his white-hating racist Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor.

We solved the race problem in this country a long time ago. In fact, as soon as old Abe Lincoln set the darkies free back in 1865, all our racial problems immediately disappeared. Yet black folk say that America still treats them worse than everyone else. They say that the law and our society make it difficult for them to achieve the same success as white folk. They say they go to prison in a greater proportion than whites; they say they die earlier than whites; and they say they earn less money than whites; they say it’s harder for them to get jobs than whites. Well why not? They are black. You know what blacks are like. They say the police assume all black people are all criminals. Well I have news for them: In most cases, they are. How can you blame a cop for assuming a black guy in a doo rag is a criminal? Numbers don’t lie. Blacks commit crime. Whites go to work and pay taxes. These facts do not prove there is racism in America. This is just the way things are. Blacks act black and whites act white. In fact, it smacks of ingratitude when black folks demand more advantages and “help” in American society. For goodness sakes, we already freed you! And you have a “brother” in the White House! What more do you want? We even call them people now; we used to call them property. That’s a big improvement. But no, that’s not enough for them—now they want equal pay, equal dignity, equal job opportunities and an equal chance at happiness in America. What a bunch of whining ingrates. If you want to be successful, shut up and get in line like everyone else.

Our government has bent over backward to help black people. Congress has wasted lifetimes trying to “level the playing field” between whites and blacks. In so doing, they have given black people entitlement after entitlement. In the process, our federal government has transformed black people into “the favorite of the laws.” So many laws favor black people; a white guy can’t get a word in edgewise anymore. If it ever comes down to a black candidate and a white candidate, the white guy should just quit the contest. Blacks get special bonuses in employment, education, housing…you name it, they get it. Your average white guy doesn’t stand a chance anymore. The sad part is that blacks don’t even need the help. Our Constitution already abolished slavery and guaranteed “equal protection” to everyone under the law. See, e.g., U.S. Const. Amds. XIII and XIV. Doesn’t that clear it up once and for all? I mean, they’re not slaves anymore and they are equal under law. What more do they want? There is no more racism in America. All this talk about “past discrimination” and “historical inferiority” just makes me sick. Black people need to stop living in the past. Basically, they need to stop whining, stop committing crimes, get up off their butts and go to work. If they get less pay it’s just because they are dumber than the white guy who does the same job. This isn’t about racism. It’s about ability and freedom.

But neither Congress nor Barack “the Magic Negro” Obama seems to understand this. They think black people face monumental injustices every day, even though they are not slaves anymore. They selfishly claim that blacks need even more help to overcome the “legacy of state-sponsored racism” and the “ignominy of slavery.” Excuse me, but this is ridiculous. These are historical problems, not modern-day issues. I don’t whine about something my ancestors endured. I just get up and go to work like any other guy. If black people want to help themselves, they should stop worrying about what happened in the 19th Century and get a fucking job in the 21st Century. But then they start complaining that they can’t get jobs because racism kept them from getting an education, and that’s why they turned to crime. You see the cycle? What self-serving bullshit. I am not a racist, but what a bunch of lazy, cowardly losers. No matter what the Magic Negro says about it, black people face no real challenges. They are legally equal to everyone. All their whining about “practical inequality in American society” is just one big excuse for their own laziness. Once you are equal in law, you are equal in fact. If you think otherwise, you are just imagining it. And you’re certainly not going to get anywhere imagining that something that happened in 1840 is still affecting you today.

Racism is over in America because we amended the Constitution. By abolishing slavery, we abolished racism. We live in a “post-racial” society. Everyone has an equal chance to succeed in America, and we are all Americans. Ancestry, race, national origin and language are irrelevant to the question whether we are Americans. Race does not matter anymore. Yet Barack Obama thinks it does. Now he’s trying to appoint Sonia Sotomayor to the United States Supreme Court. This Puerto Rican dragon-lady is a racist. She wants to introduce race back into the national dialogue. She thinks that ancestry, race and national origin actually affect the way people view issues. She thinks a white male might not be able to empathize with problems faced by blacks and Hispanics. She does not understand that race does not matter anymore. If anything, she wants to give special treatment to “minorities” because they are “disadvantaged.” No they aren’t. In our post-racial society, everyone is the same, whether they are black, white, Russian, Chinese or Sioux. Everyone is equal under our Constitution, and to suggest that black people deserve more “empathy” than white people is pure racism.

Racism is a thing of the past. But Sotomayor says she want to “freshen” the “conservative Supreme Court” with her “Latina” perspective. In a word, Sotomayor wants to make her heritage relevant to constitutional issues. This is despicable racism. Sure, lots of Supreme Court cases involve race. In fact, Sotomayor herself recently decided a case in which she refused to allow white firefighters to sue a Connecticut municipality for throwing out results from an officers’ test because no black people passed it. See Ricci v. De Stefano, Docket No. 06-4996 (Ct. App. 2d Cir.). When racism is clear in cases like that, aggrieved people need a remedy. White people can suffer discrimination, too, especially when vengeful blacks assume powerful positions over them. Sotomayor is always going to take sides in these disputes. She is always going to assume that the “bad whites” are sticking it to the “good blacks and Puerto Ricans.” But what about the white people? White people need help, too. We were here first. We used to own you guys. We conquered Puerto Rico and its natives. Now you want to discriminate against us? What the hell is going on here? Is the world upside down? Put simply, racism now only exists among vengeful blacks with a bone to pick with history. If Sotomayor is confirmed to the Supreme Court, she is going to splatter her racist agenda all over the United States.

Something strange happened to racism in America. In the old days, it was OK to treat black people like property because they were property. They were legally different. Since 1865, however, black people have achieved so many legal advantages and protections that they have gotten uppity. Now, all their advantages have rendered white people second-class citizens. Black people took constitutional language intended to equalize them and exploited it to make white people unequal. In short, black people want race to matter because it helps them get unfair advantages. Hey, if I ran a crooked poker game, I wouldn’t want to tilt the table back, either. Just ask a white Harvard applicant whether it’s better to be black or white. To get into Harvard now as a white kid, you need to be Albert Einstein, Lance Armstrong, Shakespeare, Michael Jordan and Mozart all rolled into one. But if you’re black, you just need to be able to form full sentences in pidgin English. Why? Because all these goddamned federal initiatives make race relevant to educational decisionmaking. This is racism, pure and simple. Defenders say these measures “help black people overcome historical prejudice and the injuries of past discrimination.” Oh really? So all the really smart white kids need to suffer to avenge so-called “crimes” allegedly committed by their ancestors? This is no solution. And in fact, there is no need for a solution to past racism because it doesn’t exist anymore. Why come up with a solution to a problem that is gone? It is fucking stupid. It says “past racism.” “Past” means that something is not here anymore. There is no more racism, so why are we trying to remedy a problem that is gone? I get all worked up just thinking about it.

We need to stand fast against Sotomayor and the race-baiters. Black people and “minorities” have absolutely nothing to complain about. We live a post-racial society where every person enjoys “equal protection” under the law. When we treat some citizens differently based on race, we perpetuate racism. Today, the only people who suffer racism are white. I hate racism. When I see proud white people suffering indignities at the hands of overprivileged blacks, my blood boils. I recoil from injustice. Race should never influence government decisionmaking because that leads to racism and unfair advantages in our society. In America, we believe in equality. We do not practice what we preach when we give black people “extra points” for being black. Qualified white people rightly feel outrage when they lose their Yale seats to some silver-spoon drug dealer from a crack-infested Brooklyn housing project. When people obtain advantages based on their skin color, something is wrong. White people do not deserve to suffer discrimination. Racism is wrong. Yet Sonia Sotomayor will perpetuate this dangerous cycle. She will make skin color relevant; and she will afford preferential treatment to people simply because they were lucky enough to be born a negro. Every American who believes in equality should condemn this repugnant racism.

Liberals say I’m a racist because I condescend, generalize, stereotype and patronize black people. They say I’m a racist because I use epithets like “porch money,” “darkie,” “negro,” “boy” and “coon” on my radio show. But I never use the “N-word” on the air. They say I have no sympathy for the institutional difficulties that black people face every day in America. But all my critics miss the point. I believe in equality, law and freedom; that makes it impossible for me to be a racist. Racism means you think a certain race is inferior. But how could I think that if I believe in the law? Our law says everyone is equal. According to the law, no one is inferior. Thus, according to the law, I don’t think anyone is legally inferior. Black people are our legal equals. Among my legal equals, I am free to choose the people with whom I want to associate. Black people are not the same as I am. They smell differently than I do. They drop the “R” sound from words ending in “R,” such as “floor,” “door” or “store.” They have black skin. They have different-looking hair. They call each other “homie,” not “buddy.” They commit crimes. They leech welfare money. They never get married and have 67 children out of wedlock. They initiate frivolous lawsuits. They encourage children to commit crimes with rap music about drive-by shootings. They live differently than I do. They might be my legal equals, but that doesn’t mean I have to invite them over for dinner. And just because I don’t invite someone over for dinner does not make me a racist. I don’t think blacks are inferior; I just think they are different from me in a worse way. I believe in freedom. Freedom means the freedom to think that others are different. Freedom means the freedom to hire whomever you want in private business. Freedom means the freedom to invite whomever you want over to dinner without governmental interference. And last I checked, America stands for freedom.

But Sotomayor is a racist. She wants to wage war on freedom by making race relevant to governmental policy again. It is so not 1865 anymore. Our government does not tolerate distinctions based on race, whether or not those distinctions aid or injure their subjects. Yet Sotomayor thinks the Constitution empowers government to “right the wrongs of history” by awarding special treatment to blacks and Hispanics. No it doesn’t. If anything, our Constitution forbids discriminating against white people. There is no more racism against blacks, Hispanics, Japs or redskins because we are all equal under law. But white people suffer injustice every day. They need help now; and Sotomayor will definitely not give it to them. She thinks all white people are evil conservative slaveowners who deserve to be punished for not being politically correct. Well, I have news for her: That is racism. She thinks white people are inferior because they are tyrannical and evil. Or at least their great-great-grandfathers were tyrannical and evil.

If you believe in freedom, you will tell your Senator to vote down Sotomayor. Make Obama fail. Tell him that racism has no place in American life. And tell him that white people refuse to live in bondage any longer.