POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

Monolithic Industrial Gargantuans’ Coalition to Crush the Green Tree-Hugger Menace

By : Mr. Chadwick R. Coalingford III, Member of the Board of Delegates

This year, we have a choice to make as a Nation. We can either choose prosperity through unlimited business opportunity, or we can choose ruin through environmentalism. For decades, environmentalists have led this Nation down a path to economic disaster. For decades, environmentalists have slowly infiltrated Congress, leading to prohibitive regulations on productive national industries. We can no longer fell timber without performing obscenely expensive forestry analyses at our own expense. We can no longer drill for oil without filing millions of pages of geological paperwork with officious federal bureaus. Worse, we cannot even begin work in marshy areas without certifying that we will not harm a frog that some hippie said was “endangered.” Taken as a whole, these maddening regulations have cost America millions of jobs and increased the price of doing business in our own borders. Yesterday, America led the world economy because industry could operate without restriction. Today, America is falling steadily behind China because the environmentalists have forced us to control emissions. If you care about American jobs and American productive power, then you know it is time to stop the environmentalists once and for all. Environmentalists claim that regulations on industry are necessary to prevent global warming and climate change. This is pure rubbish; there is no such thing as global warming. Just ask a Minnesota resident if it still gets cold in the winter. It does; compelling us to alter our business practices will not change that fact. If anything, environmental regulations will continue to force Americans out of work. This year, it is time to ask ourselves as a Nation: Do we care about caribou more than good-paying jobs? It is time to get our priorities straight. Put Americans first, not two-toed sloths or orangutans. John D. Rockefeller did not have to worry about “endangered species” or “emissions controls,” and nor should we. The answer is simple: We must break the Green Tree-Hugger menace, and we must do it now. Vote for Monolithic Industrial Gargantuans in 2008. When you cast your ballot, declare to all the world that American jobs are more important than grey-billed Pacific geese.

Friends of Finance United to Privatize Congress

By : Mr. E. Waldo Mason, Sr., Majority Shareholder and Board Spokesman

Our Nation confronts the worst financial crisis in generations. Why? Because Congress has no basic market sense. The American people need money, and bankers can provide it to them. But bankers cannot provide money without a political system that responds to their needs. Bankers thrive in a political system that encourages private enterprise and solutions that work. Private enterprise follows its own rules. Private enterprise has brought prosperity and riches to the United States. When government allows private enterprise to flourish, our Nation flourishes, too. But when government places a heavy hand on private enterprise, our Nation suffers. This is inevitable, because our government is a public institution. How can a public institution respond to private needs? It cannot. Public institutions are ponderous and inefficient: Our current financial crisis arose because our public Congress could not grapple with complex private issues. A public institution cannot survive in the private market. That is why we must privatize our government. We must make Congress a private institution that follows the rules of private enterprise. When Congressmen do not produce, they will not keep their jobs. When Congressmen do not pass laws that help bankers, they will be fired. We need Congressmen who will fight for private profit, not for the public. Congress needs a Board of Directors to manage congressional affairs. Congress needs to guarantee healthy profits and growth for private enterprise. If Congress cannot cut the mustard, we will change the management. It is high time to bring businesslike accountability to Congress. By wasting time on “public matters” such as workplace discrimination, infrastructure and federal courts, Congress has neglected to support banks, large corporations and other private entities that provide jobs and money to Americans. In the past, Congress has often acted against private entities by imposing insuperable regulations on healthy enterprise. A private Congress will never act against private enterprise. A private Congress will never allow the economy to falter. Rather, a private Congress will only pass laws that assist private businesses, not powerless individuals. This year, vote for a party that will change the way Washington does business. In fact, vote for a party that will put Washington in business. Business works because there are no free lunches; everyone must earn their keep or go hungry. It is time to make our government play by the same rules. Vote Friends of Finance in 2008. Vote for solutions that work.