THE POLITICAL ASSOCIATION UNITED FOR THE MURDER OF ALL PEOPLE WITH WHOM THEY DISAGREE

POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

By : Mr. Martin F. Buckley, Esq., Chairman and Political Analyst; J.D. (Harvard Law School 1983); Free Speech Advocate (with exceptions for appropriateness).

We live in a great country because everyone can speak their mind. The United States became powerful because we tolerate many different viewpoints and we profit from an exchange in ideas. Even our legal traditions embody this tolerant approach to intellectual discourse. Unlike many so-called “progressive” European governments, the United States does not ban speech because it disagrees with its content. In Germany, for example, the government bans any speech that glorifies Nazism. Yet here in America, we tolerate such speech. We trust that the American people will listen to every idea and reject the bad ones. In other words, our law doesn’t make martyrs. We let every idea compete for attention in the “marketplace of ideas.” Nazism can’t compete, so Nazis can yack all they want. They have a right to.

But law only tells half the story about free speech in the United States. Just because our law tolerates all viewpoints does not mean we agree with every viewpoint. I, for instance, cannot bear speech about free health care, single-payer systems or “a woman’s right to choose.” I disagree profoundly with all these ideas. Although I acknowledge that our law gives everyone in this country the right to express their views on important issues, that does not mean I do not wish to kill people who disagree with me.

We, the The Political Association United for the Murder of All People With Whom They Disagree, stand for a simple premise: Some ideas are inappropriate. We have particular views about life, property, employment, immigration, child-rearing, health care, military affairs, foreign policy and politics. We have appropriate ideas. We firmly believe that our ideas are the best. If we do not follow them, we are convinced that America will disintegrate into anarchy, socialism or worse. That is why we are committed to defending appropriate ideas. We do not stop with rhetoric. When we lose verbal arguments, we jump over podiums and beat our opponents with iron bars. Free speech is wonderful. But there is only one guaranteed way to defend appropriateness against inappropriate speakers: Murder.

We advocate murder whenever we reach an impasse with people with whom we disagree. Yet we are reasonable people; we only kill our opponents when lesser measures fail. For example, we buy as much airtime as we can to convince our opponents that they are wrong. We show up at their meetings to shout them down or throw trash on their stages. We send targeted newsletters containing false and skewed information about the opposing viewpoint. We even get on national news television shows to make our case before the American people. Yet when these measures fail to convince inappropriate speakers to change their minds, we have no choice. We have to kill them. True, everyone has a right to speak their mind in America. But we also have a duty to ensure that America is safe from inappropriate speech and behavior. The only way to fulfill that duty—while maintaining a healthy respect for free speech rights—is to murder people who disagree with us.

On the whole, murder is a much more effective rhetorical tool than either language or logic. On hot button issues like the environment or race, it is not enough to speak eloquently or convincingly. When a person disagrees with you about race or the environment, you can proffer the most beautiful, logically-airtight arguments in the world, but you still will not sway him. In such cases, murder is the only way to solve the disagreement. It is more fun, too. After all, it is frustrating to debate with a person who stubbornly refuses to change his mind. After a hot verbal exchange, there is nothing more satisfying than to pull out a pistol and shoot the opposing speaker in the head. BANG! That’ll teach you to advocate clean-air technology and affirmative action! In such circumstances, logic only goes so far: Only firearms can firmly settle deadlocked debates.

These are not new ideas. Throughout history, appropriate speakers have won debates by eliminating their ideological opponents. Roman emperors killed those who advocated inappropriate solutions to problems. So did medieval kings. Put simply, only those willing to kill for their ideas have truly left a mark on history. No one ever prevailed in a substantial social debate by outwitting his ideological opponents with florid speeches. No, only murder can put real disagreements to rest. When people make up their minds to think inappropriately, nothing you say will shake them from it. You have to kill them to shut them up.

We proudly follow this tradition. As The Political Association United for the Murder of All People With Whom They Disagree, we are committed to speaking our minds. We have not only a constitutional right, but also a moral obligation to lead America in the appropriate direction on contemporary policy questions. Inappropriate ideas are more dangerous to America than any foreign dictator or Muslim bomber. That is why we stand united to debate and—if necessary, shoot—anyone who refuses to see things our way. We promise always to first use logic and reason to convince others that they are wrong. But when it is clear that we have reached an ideological impasse, we promise to murder our opponents. America deserves to speak with one voice: When disagreements exist, we cannot speak with one voice. That is why we are unafraid to murder those who disagree.

This does not mean that we gainsay the right to free speech under the First Amendment. To the contrary, we believe in the Constitution and liberty. Every American is free to speak, think and believe as his conscience directs. But anyone who disagrees with us does so at his peril. If someone thinks differently than we do, we admonish him to keep a lid on it, because if he debates us, we will kill him. In this way, we maintain a proper balance between our respect for constitutional liberty and our duty to lead America in an appropriate direction. In a word, you are free to think and say what you want; just don’t you dare disagree with us or we’ll put a bullet in your brain.

Never before has our Nation needed our party as much as it needs us now. Never before has our Nation faced so many burning policy questions. For the first time in our Nation’s history, lawmakers seriously debate dismantling the free market system. For the first time in our Nation’s history, a black President is calling for national health care reform. And for the first time in our Nation’s history, we face unprecedented threats from Muslim enemies bent on our destruction.

Yet we are not moving forward. Debates on these issues degenerate into shouting matches and finger-pointing competitions. Both sides tender arguments. Both sides think they know what to do. Nothing gets done because there are too many disagreements.

This is where we come in. Only we can resolve the paralyzing impasse in the national debate. Only we have the courage and fortitude to resolve disagreements in the only way they truly can be resolved: By murder. We will not avert health care collapse until we kill everyone who advocates single-payer systems and Soviet-style “Canada” medicine. We will not achieve domestic security until we kill everyone who advocates closing down Guantanamo Prison and withdrawing from Afghanistan. And we will not rescue the economy until we kill everyone who advocates greater government control over private contracting. At the moment, we cannot move forward on these issues because no one is communicating. People are just jumping up and down, screaming and accusing the other side of “being wrong.” But we promise progress. We promise to solve the disagreements. History is our guide: Disagreements go away as soon as you kill the people who disagree with you.

Aren’t you tired of ineffective government? Aren’t you tired of shrill debates and inappropriate arguments? Don’t you want to start moving forward as Nation? Don’t you feel that we’ve been stuck in the mud for too long? Haven’t you had enough recriminations, backbiting and angry arguments?

If you have, do something about it. Put a party in power that will put an end to all these verbal altercations. Put a party in power with the courage not only to scream and yell at opposing speakers, but kill them, too. We are the Political Association United for the Murder of All People With Whom They Disagree. We are committed to America. We are committed to making the right choices. We do not get bogged down in debates and feuds over abortion and parenting. We just kill people who refuse to see things the way we do.

It’s time to stop the disagreements. Let us be one Nation. Let us speak with one voice. At this challenging time in our Nation’s history, we need unity more than ever. Let us unite—and kill everyone who refuses to join us.