Tuesday, May 12, 2009



By : Mr. Arnold F. Silver, Esq., Partner, Gold, Diamond, Silver & Greener, P.C., Attorneys Specializing in Commercial Paper, Finance, Banking & International Currency Transactions.

I was asked to write an essay about our law practice. I decided, however, that it would be much more appropriate merely to explain why it is good to have money. Legal questions and money questions generally go hand in hand. For that reason, writing about money is the same as writing about legal practice. Suffice it to say, when we practice law at our firm, we talk about money—whether directly, indirectly, figuratively, literally, symbolically, by implication or by insinuation—all the time. And it is certainly our goal. Put simply, we do not get up in the morning thinking about helping clients with our unique legal knowledge. We get up in the morning thinking about how much money the firm will make each day. Having clarified why I am writing, I will now discuss why it is good to have money.

I have money. You don’t. I like the way I feel. You don’t. I can buy a car and a house without anxiety. I can make all my payments every month, plus have money left over in all my accounts. I can drive to work and drive home, then comfortably watch television before going to bed on a very soft mattress. You worry all the time whether you will have enough cash at month’s end to stay in your apartment. I send my laundry to be cleaned and pressed every week. I can afford it. You can’t. You live in rumpled clothes because you don’t have the money or time to wash them regularly. I can go on long vacations with my wife because I have a lot of extra money. I can sit on the beach for several weeks knowing that my house and car will be there when I get home. You can’t go on vacation. You can barely buy groceries. You can’t go anywhere. You have to think about getting money to eat. In essence, it is better to be me than you. It is good to have money.

I run a business and I get all the proceeds. You work for someone and get a few dollars in return. I feel perfectly normal each day giving instructions to my employees. You feel awful each day taking peremptory commands from your bosses. At the end of each quarter, my partners and I divide up the surplus revenue, giving me a large cash bonus. You get an insulting paycheck. I make a lot more money than you because I own more than you do. You make a lot less money than I do because you own nothing. You don’t have the money to own anything, either. I will keep my money and stay the way I am. You will keep making a few dollars and stay the way you are. I am doing better than you because I have money. You are doing worse than I am because you don’t have money. This again proves that it is good to have money.

I have investments because I have extra money to spend on them. You can’t make investments because you have no extra money. I make a lot of extra money from my real estate investments, money markets and stocks. You do not have any real estate investments, money markets or stocks because you can’t afford them. I feel good knowing that I have profitable investments. You feel panicked and terrified that you have almost nothing in the bank. I have a portfolio that generates income each month without any effort on my part. You do not have a portfolio and you generate no income if you don’t work. I own property and I can do what I want with it when I want to. You own no property and you have to listen to your landlord. You wish you had what I have. But you don’t. Money gave me what I have, so it is good to have money.

I can help people like you because I have money. You want to change your life. You want to make money. But before you can, you need a loan. I can give you a loan because I have money. You need money to pay for your necessities and go to school. You need me so you can finally make more money. I don’t need the money; you do. I am doing fine. You aren’t; that’s why you need a loan. If I give you a loan, you will have my money. But I want my money back—plus more. You might have my money for a while, but in the end, I will have my money back, plus a lot of yours. You need my money. But in the end I will have yours. I don’t really need your money. Yet no one gets my money without giving me theirs. That wouldn’t be fair. No one gives away money for free. And you need a loan, don’t you? I don’t have to worry. You do. I have money. You don’t. You wouldn’t be asking for a loan if you did. In a word, it is good to have money. You don’t have to ask for loans when you already have money.

I do not have many problems because I have money. You have a lot more problems than I do because you have no money. Life is better when there are fewer problems. Life is worse when there are more problems. Money eliminates many problems. That is why I have fewer problems than you. It is better to have only a few problems than many problems. We both might have problems with relationships. But I do not worry about rent, food, gas bills, air conditioning costs, loan debt, my job, medical care, my credit score or my bank balance. You worry about all these things and relationships. I only worry about relationships. So you have lot more problems than I do. That means I have a better life because I have money. You have a worse life because you don’t.

I can make my money work for me. I can charge interest. I can open trust accounts. I can diversify my funds. You don’t even have funds, so you can’t diversify them. You can’t open trust accounts or charge interest, either, because you don’t have any money. Money can’t work for you if you don’t have any. It feels good to know that your money is working for you, because then you don’t have to work as hard. But you feel terrible now because you have to do all the work. After all, your money isn’t working for you because you do not have any money. You wish you were me because I have money. You can’t be me until you have money. And you don’t. My money works for me and I feel good about it. You have no money at all and you feel bad about it. For that reason, it is good to have money. In any event, it is better to have money than not to have money.

In my opinion, my life is better than yours. Typically, I do not make moral judgments. Rather, I make financial judgments based solely on figures and potential profitability. In some cases, however, I can make moral judgments based upon financial considerations. In this case, I can say that I am happier than you. I am happier because I am less anxious, nervous, angry, scared, upset, stressed, depressed, resentful and desperate than you. Furthermore, I experience more bodily comfort, pleasure, delight and enjoyment than you because I do not worry as much about money matters. You occasionally experience bodily comfort, pleasure, delight and enjoyment. But more often you are nervous, angry, scared, upset, stressed, depressed, resentful and desperate because you do not have enough money to pay your bills. You live in uncertainty. Uncertainty makes it impossible to relax and feel good. By contrast, I feel certain every day that I have more than enough money to pay any bill that comes my way, even a bill for unexpected dental work. That certainty eliminates any negative emotions I might feel. I do not feel resentful; why should I? I do not take instructions; I give them. I do not have to be somewhere everyday at 7 AM; my employees do. I do not wait until someone tells me I can leave my desk; I tell my employees when they can leave. I make my own hours, I go where I wish and I don’t suffer for it. Why? Because I have money. Money makes me free and happy. You don’t have money. You are not free and you are unhappy. You would rather be free and happy. But you can’t be either free or happy until you have money. I have money. As a financial and moral matter, that gives me a better life than you.

In conclusion, it is good to have money because it brings freedom, happiness, certainty, power and self-determination. By contrast, it is bad not to have money because it leads to bondage, powerlessness, debt, unhappiness, uncertainty, indignity, shame, contempt, resentment and anxiety. I have money. You don’t. I am happy and free. You aren’t.

I am glad I live in a country that lets me have money. You live in the same country, so what are you whining about? Stop sulking. Go make some money. Make yourself happy and free.

Remember: You can always get a loan from me.

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