Sunday, March 8, 2009



By : Bishop Msgr. Theodore A. Gates, Spiritual Leader & Honorary Prince of Tolerance at the Church of Christ’s Hope, Newark, N.J.

Jesus told us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Matthew 22:36-40. All good Christians observe this fundamental teaching. We love our fellow man. We respect him for who he is. We do not judge, lest we be judged. Matthew 7:1-5. Yet we do not inhabit a perfect world. As American Christians, we must remember Christ. But we must also remember that we are Americans.

In times past, strong Christian Americans transformed this country from a backwater outpost into the world’s most powerful industrial power. They did this because they believed in Christ and worked hard in His holy Name. Christian Americans asked for nothing and gave everything. Today, however, America faces dangers on all sides. Racial equality, social welfare programs, Muslim terrorism, sexual abomination and now a black President threaten to destroy the very foundations upon which good Christians built this land. Every day, more and more immigrants overrun our borders, flooding our schools and institutions with millions of ill-educated, popish Hispanic criminals. Every day, fewer and fewer Americans speak English. Even in government buildings, there are more signs in Spanish than in the language in which the Constitution was written.

Paul the Apostle told us: “Vengeance is mine, and I shall repay.” Romans 12:19-21. That means there is no need for earthly justice, because the Lord will avenge all injustice in the hereafter. While we respect the Apostle’s teaching, we cannot sit idly by while Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrants defile the United States of America. We must take action now—and that means standing boldly against these devilspawn.

Many infiltrators threaten our country. But no group is more devious than Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrants. Muslims are evil because they renounce Christ and because they commit terrorist acts intended to disrupt the American order. Communists are evil because they renounce the Christian spirit of free enterprise and private property that provides an incentive for thrifty Christians to work and save. Homosexuals are evil because they commit horrific sodomies and blasphemies through shameful lust. Additionally, homosexuals anally rape and murder children, violating the Commandments. Finally, immigrants are evil because they were not born in the United States and they come to this country to steal jobs and to seduce young American maidens with Latin charms.

Each group is evil for its own reasons. In combination, however, they pose a truly dangerous threat. A communist may pose a threat alone, but a Homosexual Communist poses a worse one. Similarly, a Muslim Immigrant may seriously threaten Homeland Security, but a Muslim Communist Immigrant poses a worse threat. After all, a Muslim only threatens America with terrorism. But a Muslim Homosexual threatens America with terrorism and filthy anal sex. In a similar way, a Communist Immigrant undermines American economic values with talk about “the equality of man” while filching State benefits and speaking Spanish. Yet nothing could be worse than a Communist Muslim Immigrant, who not only undermines the economy and steals State benefits, but also practices terrorism.

We, the Christians’ Club Against All Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrants, refuse to surrender to evil. It is our public mission to inform everyone that the Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrant threat is real; and we all have an interest in stopping it. If you care about your job, your children, your religion and your language, you will join hands with us to stop them—no matter the cost.

Some say that we stereotype. Critics label our party’s efforts “bigoted,” “shortsighted,” “racist,” “homophobic” and “simplistic.” They say that there are homosexuals who do not anally rape 9-year-olds, and that there are immigrants who learn English. They even tell us that not all Muslims are terrorists, and that not all communists conspire to overthrow the free market order.

We beg to differ. We believe that Muslims, Communists, Homosexuals and Immigrants all threaten America. We have never met a Muslim who does not secretly admire bin Laden or does not smile when he watches 9/11 footage. Additionally, if a critic tries to convince us that every homosexual has not anally raped a 9-year-old, we will show you a liar. Nor have we ever met an English-speaking immigrant, or a communist who did not wish to redistribute wealth to beggars. Put simply, if we trusted our critics, we would allow deviants to overrun the country. This is no time for tolerance; this is a time for national defense. This is the Christian way: Tolerance is wonderful; but when it threatens the church and its values, we the faithful must rise to defend it. Our Nation has taken one too many steps backward. Our party refuses to yield even a single inch to Muslims, Communists, Homosexuals and Immigrants.

Other critics say that there is no such thing as a Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrant. Although we cannot precisely verify how many such “multi-layered evildoers” currently live in the United States, we know they are out there. And because they pose such a serious threat, we believe it is our duty to inform the public how to spot them. Our party believes in information. To that extent, we advise all Christian Americans to watch for: (1) Beards: Many Muslims wear beards. Consult a picture of Osama bin Laden or Khalid Sheik Mohammed for more information; (2) Prayer Rugs: Muslims carry Oriental rugs with them so they can kneel and worship their pagan Lord. If you see a bearded man carrying a rug, maintain your vigilance and call authorities immediately; (3) The Arabic Language: Muslims speak Arabic; if you think you hear this language, investigate to determine whether the subject is a Muslim; (4) Trendy Clothing: Communists wear funky, trendy clothes. If you spot a young person with hip jeans, a cool hoodie and/or an Obama button, chances are he is a communist; (5) Banners: Communists call for revolution with banners, placards and other visible media. If you see a person carrying such media, they are likely hostile to the free market; (6) Tight-fitting T-Shirts: Homosexuals are hopelessly vain. Tight-fitting T-shirts display their muscles; if you see such T-shirts, you might be dealing with a homosexual, especially if the T-Shirt is “Abercrombie & Fitch,” “Hollister” or otherwise contains an ironic saying, such as: “Middlebury High School Tight End Party ’97;” (7) Small Dogs: Many homosexuals have pets because they have companions, not wives. If you see a man with a Chihuahua or other small, dainty dog, be advised: It might be a homosexual; (8) Impossibly well-groomed skin, nails and eyebrows: Homosexuals meticulously maintain their physical appearance in their continuous effort to sodomize other men and boys. In that light, if you encounter a very good-looking man with fastidious appearance, you could be face-to-face with a homosexual; (9) The Spanish Language: Immigrants come from third-world countries, chiefly in Central and South America or the Caribbean. People from those backward lands speak Spanish, not English. Thus, when you hear Spanish, you should immediately consider whether the person is an immigrant bent upon claiming free State benefits; and (10) Bad shoes or socks: Immigrants come from outside the United States. Different countries produce strange-looking shoes and socks. You can spot an immigrant by looking for unfamiliar shoe brands (ie, “Que Bueno Zapatas”) or spotted, speckled or striped socks.

Based upon these characteristics, it is eminently possible to uncover Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrants among us. If you see a bearded, well-dressed, perfumed, trendy-looking man with unfamiliar shoes carrying a rug and a bin Laden placard while wearing a tight-fitting Abercrombie & Fitch T-Shirt and conducting a cell phone conversation in Spanish but holding an Arabic newspaper and walking a small dog, you should alert the police at once.

If you are sick and tired of Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrant tyranny, join a party that promises purity, not squalor. Put an end to damaging tolerance. Do the Christian thing. Join us today—because America is for Christian Americans, not Muslim Communist Homosexual Immigrants.

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