Saturday, November 8, 2008


Forthright Professionals’ Coalition for the Advancement of Ethics over Profit

By : Mr. Miguel de la Mancha, Chairperson and Ethics Adviser

In 2002, the Enron scandal demonstrated the sad state of ethics in American business. In virtually every profession and every industry, Americans consistently seek profits by any means necessary, even if that means lying, cheating, fabricating, exaggerating, concealing, intimidating or conspiring. Rather than face negative consequences, Americans in business first attempt to destroy incriminating evidence. Perhaps more troublingly, conscience is dying in American business. Indeed, if an American business owner knows he can maximize his profits by unethical behavior and knows he will not be caught, he will act unethically. Put another way, ethics has fallen by the wayside; if it is more profitable to be unethical, Americans will act unethically. Worse, American business professionals only act ethically when acting unethically would be less profitable. True ethics come from the heart. A person should adhere to ethics no matter what punishment is threatened if he does not. “Enforcing” ethics with rules, regulations and penalties will not make people ethical; it will simply coerce them to follow external laws to preserve their property and bodily comfort. We, the Forthright Professionals’ Coalition for the Advancement of Ethics over Profit, intend to return ethics to its rightful place in the American conscience. Our Nation achieved greatness not just because our ancestors were industrious; our Nation achieved greatness because our ancestors truly believed in ethics. They did not tell the truth because they feared a fine if they lied; they told the truth because their hearts told them it was the right thing to do. They did not steal their clients’ money because they feared prosecution and license revocation proceedings; they did not steal their clients’ money because a good man does not steal under any circumstances. Admittedly, I am the only member of the Forthright Professionals’ Coalition for the Advancement of Ethics over Profit. But I am confident that more Americans will understand that without ethics, profit means nothing. Still, after more than 3 years, I am still the party’s only member. It is my earnest hope that more Americans will put their trust in ethics for ethics’ sake, not merely to save themselves from punishment or to maximize profits. As yet, I am the only one who believes this. Be brave. Vote ethics, even it leads to your poverty.

Naughty Heiresses’ League for Subsidized Nightlife Without Consequence

By : Ms. Milana A. Falcon, Age 21, Daughter of Mr. Roderick F. Falcon, Falcon Mfg. Co., Inc., Party Spokesbabe

Everyone knows us. We are the fit girls at the club with all the money and the hot cars. We are the ones everyone wants. We wear the high heels. We get the looks. We party all night and never have to go to work. We drink, carouse, have fun, dance on tables, hobnob with star basketball players and shake everything we’ve got until the cows come home. That’s right: We are the Naughty Heiresses. Life has been good to us. We were born rich, white, petite, fit and cute. And our dads gave us everything we wanted from day one. We didn’t need to do well in school; we just had to show up once in a while. We don’t need to work; we have massive trust accounts that funnel us unlimited shopping cash every week. And when dad dies, we get the whole estate. We are even immune from criminal prosecution; hey, who wants to send a hot babe to jail? Admit it: You love us. You read about us in the tabloid papers and you wish you could have as much fun as we do. But there you are: Stuck at a bum job wearing cheap shoes and a button-down shirt that needs dry cleaning. You read about what we do while you take a 12-minute break eating a ham sandwich at some small-time bank. That’s right: We go out on weeknights. We dance on Tuesdays and drink on Wednesdays. We can sleep in every single day and still have millions in our checking accounts. You, on the other hand, can barely drag yourself out of bed every morning to head off to your loser job for a few bucks an hour. And every morning you never know if you’ll have enough cash to pay your rent or the medical bills. Well, sorry! Bad luck for you, I guess. But we will keep dancing, drinking, making scenes and beating the rap, no matter what you’re going through. We know you love it. That is why we, the Naughty Heiresses’ League for Subsidized Nightlife Without Consequence, demand that you continue to support our lifestyle. You need us. You want to hear about what we do, and that takes mucho moolah, my friend. There is a reason you are who you are, and there is a reason we are who we are. You live in uncertainty and fear; we live in luxury and we have fun every minute of every day. That’s the way it is, and you’d better keep it that way. This year, cast your ballot to keep us dancing. You want to enjoy reading about us during your sandwich breaks, don’t you? Well then keep our subsidies coming. Vote Naughty Heiresses. Because hot rich girls just wanna have fun. And you know you love it.

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