POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

The Party for People Who Love Money

By : Mr. Gabriel H. Silver, Accounting Director and Party Policy Administrator

Do you love money? How about cash? Checks? Paychecks? Cashier’s checks? Certified checks? Bank drafts? Wire transfers? Money orders? What about gold coins, ingots and bars? Do you get excited when you see a large balance next to your name when you log in to your investment account? Do you like dividends? How about refunds and cash advances? If you do, I’ll bet you also like interest-bearing high yield international money markets and deferred tax savings funds. If you like all these things, it’s time to join a political party that shares your sentiments. We, The Party for People Who Love Money, stand for a simple principle: To make and defend money at all costs, no matter the price. For too long, political leaders have ignored this principle. Rather than maintaining their attention on money, they have focused their energy on conscience and justice. We are sick and tired of this nonsense. We demand government composed of people who share our love for all things financial. True, we are small in number, but we are great in spirit. Our hearts burn for money, and we do not let conscience, justice, dignity or even decency stand in the way. Neither conscience, nor belief, nor justice, nor dignity, nor decency pays rent or bills. Bill collectors do not accept statements of conscience as legal tender for payment of debts. Bill collectors accept only cash, check, money order or charge, and it would behoove us as a Nation to get back to reality. Conscience is for dreamers and weaklings. Money is for leaders and visionaries. If elected, we promise to restore faith in cold hard cash, not vague ideals. A government devoted to money will serve its people better than a government devoted to unattainable abstractions such as “freedom,” “peace” and “equality.” It is time for a simple new era of dualities in American life. If a course of action makes more money than another, we will pursue that course. If war makes more money than peace, we will wage war. If commerce in guns makes more money than gun control, we will allow commerce in guns. If allowing deforestation makes more money than forest conservation, we will allow deforestation. Our approach will remove difficult subtleties from governmental decisionmaking and reduce every thorny question to a simple numerical inquiry: “How much money will it make?” If one proposal will make $4.00 and another will make $4.50, we will adopt the proposal that makes $4.50. Americans want transparency and predictability in government, not vacillation. Americans have a right to know what their government will do in advance. Under our system, they will know. We realize that we face an uphill battle. But together we can prevail. Ask yourself: “Do you love money?” If you answer “yes,” cast your ballot for a party that thinks the way you think. It’s time to end complexity in government. It’s time to get back to first principles. We need to stop wasting time chasing impossible goals like “freedom.” We need to start doing things that make a profit. Do everyone a favor: Put a party in power that pays the bills. Forget idealism; embrace realism. When you get right down to it, one phrase makes the world go around: “It’s all about money, honey.” For decades, government has forgotten that. Let’s refresh our memories. Vote Money. Because with money, all things are possible.