Thursday, January 8, 2009



By : President George Walker Bush, Jr., 43rd President of the United States of America

My fellow Americans. It has been an interesting eight years. Together, we have combated terrorists and evildoers, both at home and abroad. We have liberated Iraq and Afghanistan. And we almost caught Osama bin Laden. As we say in Texas: “Just give ‘er time.” We’ll catch that muskrat soon enough, even after I turn in my badge. Today, I stand before you with only twelve days left in my administration. During those twelve days, I intend to conduct myself with the same intelligence and vigor for America that you came to expect during my Presidency. It might be the end of the line, but your Captain won’t fall asleep at the helm, believe you me.

I respect the Constitution with all my heart. During my time in office, I think my actions showed how much I fought to defend the Constitution. Liberals said the Patriot Act and the wiretaps violated the Constitution. But they weren’t reading from the same Constitution as I was. My Constitution says the President needs to defend the Nation, and that’s what I did. Anything else is for the lawyers to discuss. My Constitution says I am the Commander in Chief. You bet your life I am. And I will stay Commander in Chief until 12:01 PM on January 20.

I command the United States armed forces. I leave behind a legacy of success in Iraq. Thanks to the brave men and women under my control, Iraqis no longer live in fear. We have given them freedom. We have given them hope. We kicked out Saddam and gave them a stable government. But where does that leave us? Our fighting men and women still battle militias in Baghdad. American boys and girls are still dying because some Iraqis still hate freedom. I love freedom. And if an Iraqi doesn’t love freedom, we need to force him to love freedom. Our mission in Iraq is about freedom.

We have further to go in Iraq. During my final days in office, I intend to go the last mile to ultimate victory. As Commander in Chief, I call upon all Americans, whether or not you are in the military, to join me in a new effort in Iraq. Let us drop all the cynical talk about oil, natural resources and politics. Let us join together as a Christian Nation and deliver Iraq from the infidels. Ladies and Gentlemen of America, we are a Christian people. Let us join together in the Tenth Crusade to liberate the Muslims from Allah. Henceforth, I will be your Crusader in Chief.

I have always said that we are fighting for freedom. But political freedom is not enough. There is no freedom without Christ, and we must give Iraqis Christian freedom. Come together, you Christian Americans. Put the spirit of Jesus in your hearts and follow me to Baghdad. I will lead you against those who hate Christ and freedom. I will carry the banner both of Christ our Lord and the Stars and Stripes. We have no more time for half-measures. While I am still Commander in Chief, we still have time to win.

We have not yet won in Iraq because we were not honest about our goals. We tried to fight without faith; but without faith, nothing is possible. A worldly war cannot succeed. Only through the spirit of Jesus can we win righteous victory. American soldiers, paint crosses on your helmets. Become soldiers of Christ, as well as soldiers of your Nation. Praise His name as you hunt down the Unbelievers. Preach His holy Word to all those who will listen. And kill all those who refuse to accept it.

We may rightfully expect a miracle before my time in office comes to an end. With Christ, all things are possible. Let us bring light to the Middle East, not just arms. Let us show the Muslims not only our advanced weaponry, but also the force of our beliefs. Since the War on Terror began, the Muslims have scorned us for our “secular godlessness.” Let us show them that we are godlier than they ever were. Let us show them that our God beats Allah any damn day of the week, including Sundays. We live in a Christian Nation. America began as a plantation of God. How arrogant that the Muslims now call us godless! Good Christian Americans, come with me to Baghdad, that we might show these infidels the true power of Christian faith.

To arms, O Christian warriors! This is no longer a dispute over borders, governments and oil. This is a test of faith. When God anoints a cause, let no one question it. Cast doubt from your minds. Take up the banner now, and follow me. I challenge Osama bin Laden to fight me in single combat before the walls of Baghdad. Let Allah bless him as Christ blesses me. Then we will see on whose side God falls. I challenge the insurgents to wear their beliefs boldly. Come from behind those ramparts, you heathen! Take off those masks and show your faces before God. I can assure you, when the American Christian Nation is aroused, no Muslim will ever stand in our way.

Come now, Crusaders! Forget about phased troop withdrawals. Forget about “quagmires” and “unwinnable wars.” No Christian war is unwinnable, for God will bless our cause. Have no fear. God stands with us. We are not fighting for oil. We are fighting for Jesus. Let the Muslims mock us. Let them call us imperialists. We will show them the power of our faith; and we will show them that it is stronger than theirs. They can kneel on prayer rugs all they want. But when push comes to shove, nothing can beat a modest wooden cross around the neck of a well-armored American Christian knight.

In short, I was wrong for allowing the War in Iraq to develop along political lines. I should have declared the Crusade years ago. Now, at the end of my term, I am determined to correct my error. Rally round the cross, good Christian fighters! Now is the time to destroy the infidels once and for all. Now is the time to bring light and peace to the darkness of the Middle East. Strike up the hymn; take up your M16. March with me to Baghdad. And let us win this war here and now. For America. For Christ. Deus le veult!

One final word: Mr. Obama, you won’t need to worry about a pullout. I will have the War won for you by noon on the 20th.

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