Friday, September 12, 2008


Lawyers earn very good salaries compared to less educated professionals. That is a primary reason why so many bright, young college graduates decide to embark on a career in law. While pursuing justice in individual cases may provide some incentive for learning legal principles and lawyering techniques, the ability to pay larger mortgage payments and drive better cars is far more compelling. We here at Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer applaud those who choose employment that protects justice and right. Although we understand that most modern legal practice primarily involves bitter, private wranglings over fees, costs, money and profit shares, we nonetheless encourage budding lawyers to hone their skills.

Today's legal employment market demands special prowess. It is not enough to possess a strong academic record, nor even to passionately care about justice. Rather, law firms want not only stellar academic credentials from their applicants, but also hands-on experience in the lawyer's craft. Lawyers speak their own language. To win employment at a firm, it is necessary to fluently both speak and write that language. In law, results matter. And results flow from a lawyer's nimble language. In this supplement, we here at Reason, Justice & Free Beer offer insights into the best ways to master legal language. Successfully practicing law, of course, requires more than mere language. Endurance, pugnacity, glibness and the ability to cleverly phrase billing statements all play a role in the master lawyer's repertoire. But language is nonetheless the glue that holds the legal profession together. Below, we are proud to publish several superb legal writing samples to assist you in your quest to become an associate.

Legal writing is not expressive writing. You may be the most expressive writer on Earth, but that will not help you persuade a court to award your client millions of dollars. Legal writing is technical writing. Courts are technical institutions. They respond only to language that satisfies the myriad technical requirements necessary to constitute "good writing." These samples will provide excellent examples of these technical requirements in several different legal fields. While legal subject matter may change, good writing does not. Learning to write legally is no easy process, but we hope that these samples will assist you on your way to mastering the rhetorical and grammatical subtleties that distinguish lawyers from all other people on earth. Good luck on your job search; provided, in all events, that you did not already receive an employment offer based upon your father's affiliation with the firm to which you applied.


Pursuant to and notwithstanding said provision, except in cases provided by law, unless otherwise provided for, aforesaid claim procedure (hereinafter "The Procedure") shall be determinative, notwithstanding same, except as otherwise provided.


Whereas hereinbefore mentioned limitations apply notwithstanding anything to the contrary therebefore mentioned, and pursuant to all applicable Agreements not otherwise judged invalid under law, except in such cases as many arise subject to general or specific jurisdiction, aforesaid statements shall be valid as to all concerns and purposes, unless, until and to the extent that previously-named conditions precedent be met; but in no case shall such statements constitute a waiver, unless provided for by law, notwithstanding the unconscionability, unconstitutionality or ripeness thereof.


Except as otherwise provided by mutual covenants as defined solely in Master Loan Agreement Section 14(a)(1)(ii), and pursuant to all applicable laws, regulations, procedures and rules, unless contrary to conditions thereinafter provided, subject to exclusions and restrictions as allowed by law, promisor agrees to, and will be bound by, all affirmations of fact herebefore made to promisee, in consideration whereof promisee, in his sole discretion and notwithstanding anything declared in Master Loan Agreement Section 9(a)(3)(iv), and pursuant to Supplemental Rider Section 6(a)(B)(ii) to Second Amended Subordinate Security Certificate (hereinafter "The Certificate"), agrees to lend, convey, allot, delegate and confer, unless in promisee's sole discretion it be not advisable to do so, the sum and total of forty-four dollars and twenty-nine cents ($44.29), U.S. Currency, in hand paid, for receipt whereof promisor unconditionally agrees, covenants and commits, without limitation, to return payments to promisee in the amount of seven million one hundred forty-seven thousand two hundred eighty-eight dollars and sixty-four cents ($7,147,288.64), U.S. Currency, in hand paid, on or before the earlier of: (1) next Thursday; or (2) any day fixed by reference to Master Loan Agreement Section 27(a)(7)(iii) to The Certificate, footnote 6; and promisor hereby agrees, covenants and commits to pay penalties, fees, attorneys' costs and consequential damages to maximum extent provided by law, any contrary judicial determination notwithstanding.


Now comes Plaintiff, hereinbefore mentioned, above-captioned and duly authorized to sue in the County and State wherein aforementioned claim hath been brought, Chester Nimitz, by and through his attorneys, Blakewell & Blakewell, undersigned, Chartered, now, and for all times relevant hereto, having fulfilled all required requisites appurtenant to said claim, and does hereby move this Honorable Court, in the just exercise of its powers, both legal and equitable, notwithstanding any countervailing considerations, exception to which is hereby taken, acknowledged and cognized, subject to all reservations of right as permitted by law, the Code of Civil Procedure and all Local Court Rules, including but in no way limited to the Rules of the Supreme Court of this State, or any other State adjudged as deserving of comity in aforesaid State, for leave to answer Defendant's Fourth Supplemental Subordinate Request for Production, pursuant to notice, due certificates having been served on all interested parties under applicable provisions of the Code of Civil Procedure, on February 7 of the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Eight, notwithstanding that hereinbefore mentioned Fourth Supplemental Subordinate Request for Production was due on February 6 of the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Eight, good cause having been shown, it being averred, on pain of perjury and under oath, that above-named Plaintiff required medical assistance on said date. For the reasons aforesaid and given, above-named Plaintiff prays for such relief as this Honorable Court may deign to grant.


Seller, Myron H. Rosenblatt Sr., being the holder in fee simple of that certain real property situate at all times relevant at 47.11 degrees N, 36.08 degrees E, County of Du Page, State of Illinois, doth presently transfer, convey, sell, remand, quit, give over, confer, grant and assign, pursuant to notice and law, aforesaid property and all fixtures heretofore attached thereto, subject to all mortgages, security interests, liens, claims, rights and interests, vested or contingent, present or future, real or under color of law, notwithstanding any unknown title thereto, including but in no wise limited to title perfected by prescription and/or adverse possession, in whole or in part, notwithstanding contrary law, and subject to present intents and purposes, to Buyer, Bartholomew H. Birnbaum, and any heirs thereof, sale to be made within 21 years of the death of a life of any titleholder herein.


Please specify, without limitation and without regard to form, style, substance or date, all sources of information evidencing facts of consequence to any matter pertinent or germane to the claims central to hereinnnamed lawsuit, whether tangible, intangible, recorded or recollected, including statements, whether written or oral, specifying the makers thereof and the methods therefor, audio tapes, papers, documents, video cassettes (including BETA and VHS), office memos, faxes, drawings, blueprints, diaries, DVDs, Laser Discs, notecards, jottings, scribblings, LPs, 45s, 78s or any other analog-recoded medium, reel-to-reel rolls, films, photographs, paintings, portraits, maps, sketches, pencillings, or any aforementioned document with a corresponding pencilled, annotated or copied version, computer disks, hard drives, zip drives, books, pamphlets, manuals, binders, cases, piles, shavings, protocols, instructions, flash cards, notations or annotations, whether made by humans or not, subject to all applicable discovery rules, the Code of Civil Procedure, Rules of the Supreme Court of this State, local rules and principles of justice and/or equity, depending on their application, notwithstanding any privilege or order contrary hereto, and under oath and pain of perjury.


Be it hereby known, done and established, pursuant to the Master Chattel Paper Certificate of 2007, as amended ("The Amended Certificate"), and notwithstanding anything to the contrary contained in any section provided therein, except Section 12(a)(2)(D), upon notice duly given, unless notice be exempted pursuant to Section 14(a)(6)(A)(iv) thereunder, that I, Mordecai Byron Wacker Jr., as sole Beneficiary and Executor of the Estate of Mordecai Byron Wacker Sr., deceased, officially declare myself to be a Party-in-Interest in that certain personal property situate at all times relevant hereto at 1746 N. Damen, City of Chicago, County of Cook, State of Illinois, Country of the United States of America, hereinafter known for all concerns and purposes, legal and equitable, voluntary and involuntary, as "The Chest of Drawers," to the exclusion at law of all other potential takers, whether testate, intestate of pursuant to testamentary trust, the potential third-party security interests of any known, unknown or later to be known claimants notwithstanding, and in notorious, open and adverse possession thereto, I have hereby set my hand hereunto, this 4th Day in August in the Year of Our Lord, Anno Domini 2008, /s/ Mordecai Byron Wacker Jr.

We hope that these legal writing samples have provided some guidance to you as you begin your search for rewarding employment. In later editions, we will reinforce your job-searching arsenal with helpful techniques such as proper interview demeanor, proper shoe selection and appropriate conversation subject matter choice. But these skills, while important, pale in comparison to a strong grounding in legal writing. Law firms want winning candidates. And lawyers win with words--legal words. With practice, determination and zeal, you, too, will master legal language. Your words--like spells in fantasy literature--will open fabulous doors to employment, partnership and beyond. From all of us here at Reason, Commerce, Justice & Free Beer, good luck on your journey to a well-paid legal position... and a satisfying life serving your clients, whoever they may be!

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