Sunday, September 14, 2008


The Productivity Guild United Against Family Time

By : Mr. C. Wilbur Fleissigmann, Managing Task Coordinator and Guild Leader

What made America beautiful? Simple: Hard work…and lots of it. America advanced to the stage of world leadership because Americans understand that the reason we live is to work. We get up early, work late and even work on weekends when our employers require it. Through hard work, we invented the light bulb, the microprocessor, the telephone and the intercontinental ballistic missile. Through hard work, we achieved the greatest standard of living the world has ever seen. Nations all over the world look to us with envious eyes, marveling at our economy’s might. All these things would have been impossible without ceaseless, productive and dedicated labor. But sadly, more and more Americans today insist on “more family time,” costing their employers valuable productivity. Rather than working an extra 15 hours on an important business project, more and more Americans are demanding more hours with their children and wives. Rather than working until 10 PM on a vital company presentation, more and more Americans are demanding evenings to take their spouses to dinner. This is a dangerous, costly trend. In short, Americans are forgetting that employment comes first, not family. Without employment, there would be no money to feed families. Why, then, should employers kowtow to employees’ demands for more family time? This year, we must adopt measures calculated to restore obedience to employers. It is time to enhance productivity and strengthen our economy through improved work ethic. No more can we tolerate 3-week vacations and sick leave. Are we Frenchmen? No! We are Americans, and Americans can make it on 10 days’ leave per year, including sick time. Weekends are a privilege, not a right. When an office closes, employers suffer. For every hour an employee does not work, the employer bears a crippling financial burden. To combat the family menace, The Productivity Guild United Against Family Time advocates creating a presumption favoring work on weekends; one should expect to work every Saturday and Sunday, unless the employer dictates otherwise. Never fear: There will be time to see your baby daughter once you retire. Put a picture of her on your desk and get back to work. Laziness will only hurt her in the long run. In the meantime, it is time for America to get its priorities straight. Vote for work over family in 2008. Vote for productivity and a stronger economy. Stop our Nation’s slide into effete European indolence. We have always made our own way as a Nation. And that’s because we recognize that employment makes everything else possible. Let’s get back to work…and keep America strong.

Baby Daddies’ Union Against Child Support and Birth Control

By: Mr. A.J. Studdard, Spokesman

Mandatory child support laws represent the greatest injustice ever inflicted in this Nation. Every year, millions of fertile men lose their hard-earned money to support offspring they never see. The Baby Daddies’ Union believes that government should not penalize a man’s proven biological capacity to impregnate women. We believe that child support laws impose a tax on men who have done nothing but create new citizens through lawful penile/vaginal insertion. Is it not a man’s duty to bless the State with more children? If that be so, why does the State drain a man’s savings simply for busting a poorly-timed nut? We believe that the State should encourage procreative activity, not stifle it with unfair taxes that target fertile men. It is a sad fact in America today that Baby Daddies face ceaseless, unwarranted social scorn. They are labeled “Dead Beat Dads,” “Losers,” “Bums” and “Rogues.” State-run websites parade them like circus freaks before a jeering public. Our party aims to win the war against prejudice by correcting the unfair image imposed upon fertile men. To that end, we support education and training programs designed to emphasize the advantages of inseminating women, such as increased population growth and gross national product. Additionally, insemination leads to tangible economic growth: With every live birth, the Federal government obtains an immediate, vested interest in future tax income. Put simply, America needs more Americans. And the road to more Americans begins with encouraging the insemination of women, not taxing it. Cast a vote for America’s future in 2008. Cast a vote for equality. With your vote, declare to all the world that insemination should be applauded, not stigmatized.

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