POLITICAL PARTIES FOR A CHANGING WORLD

Hot Dudes in Favor of Putting Hot Chicks in High-Level Cabinet Positions for the 21st Century

By : Brent G. “Fo’ Shiznit” McKillup, Senior Party Spokesman and Chief Event Planner

Guys, you know who you are. You’re about 30, you work hard, you work out hard, you take care of yourself and you like to go out on Fridays and Saturdays (or Sundays if it’s a three-day weekend). You care about your appearance, and you expect the ladies to do the same. You are a hot dude; and you know it. But most importantly, you care about gender equality. For too long, only boring old men have held senior cabinet positions, from Treasury Secretary to Chairman of the Federal Reserve to Secretary of Homeland Security. For too long, government has silently endorsed sexism by relegating women to lower positions with lower pay. It is time to turn the tables. It is the 21st Century: We need to get some hot chicks in high-level cabinet positions. We believe that hot dudes deserve to see some smokin’ females talk about interest rates, Grand Jury investigations and foreign policy trends. Hey, we work hard. We want to see some first-class babes in our government, not tired old geezers and crabby old women with facial hair and buckteeth. We want some “bud-onk-a-donk” in our female public servants and we want it now. Enough of this business attire; let women dress the way we want: We want to see our next Secretary of State in a G-string, spandex and halter top. In short, we, the Hot Dudes in Favor of Putting Hot Chicks in High-Level Cabinet Positions for the 21st Century, have a simple demand: “Show us what you’re workin’ wit’.” This is no longer a male-dominated society. Dudes, it is time to get some fine females into positions of power. We have no problem with women as long as they are hot. This year, vote for gender equality. Vote to see what you want to see in government. Vote to get some Hot Chicks in ’08.

Disappointed Debutantes United for Sanctions Against Frivolous and Noncommittal Men

By : Ms. Doris G. Witherspoon, Managing Director and Spokesperson

Every day, dangerous men break their word in America. Every day, dangerous men spin self-serving stories, disarming innocent women against future betrayal. How often have frivolous and noncommittal men lured women into believing that they are ready to make the marriage vow, only to back out at the last minute, claiming: “I need time to think about this,” or “Something is telling me not to do this”? We, the Disappointed Debutantes United for Sanctions Against Frivolous and Noncommittal Men, believe that government must take a stand against these male scoundrels. In an earlier time, men kept their promises. Today, men say anything to get what they want. Our Nation rose to strength because men had honor and integrity. They did what they said. They did not fear commitment; they embraced it. Now, American men cannot even commit to going out on Saturday night because “they might want to hang out with their buds.” This is national travesty. No longer may government permit men to shirk their promises. We must root out vacillation, hedging, conditional assents, “maybes” and lame excuses. We advocate creating a National Promise Registry enabling women to charge men with violating their commitments. This may seem a harsh measure. But when trustworthiness is the goal, all means are justified. Answers such as “I’ll think about it,” “Let’s talk about it tomorrow,” “Do you have to do this today?” “What are my options?” and “Maybe later this week” must be categorically banned. Men will only restore their honor with strong, confident language. They must be forced to say: “I will,” not “I’ll think about it.” They must say: “I will be there at 9 PM,” not “I might see you at 10-11ish.” Our Nation rose to greatness because men kept their commitments. They did not break their word. It is time to restore trustworthiness to the American male. In the process, we will not only revive honor in the United States, but we will save countless women from the agony inflicted by frivolous, noncommittal men. This is a fight for values. This is a fight for integrity. Take a stand for straight talk this election. Protect women from disappointment at scoundrels’ hands. Vote for Disappointed Debutantes in 2008. This year, tell the world “I will,” not “I might.” It is time for this Nation to finally say “Yes,” not “Maybe.”